"Best Stepmom in the World!"

Being a step-mother has not always been an easy adjustment for me. Not only do you go in fighting against what seems to be a global stereotype of the "Eeeevil Stepmother," but there are also some stark realities that make the job daunting at times.

I married Allie and Raylee's father when I was 35. Although I had dated seriously in the past, I had never been engaged to anyone before their father. I had never had children of my own. I had been single and on my own all of my life. When I moved out of my parents' home to go to college the fall after my senior graduation, I entered a single mode of living that would last 18 years.

And I enjoyed it! I loved being single, and when I look back now, I look back with a smile at all of the good moments, the learning experiences, all the "growth" that happened in me spiritually during those times. I loved being single, and living in that freedom that is single-hood.

And that's not to say there weren't times of profound loneliness. I think any single person would tell you there are times of deep longing for "that person," the one God has destined for you. I think that's just natural. But being single doesn't have to be a bad thing. It wasn't for me.

When I met Stephen, I almost immediately KNEW that I would marry him. It wasn't some "lust and infatuation" thing alone--it was that and a deep spiritual connection that had been lacking in ALL of my prior relationships. There was something about him, his manner, the call God had on his life, everything--and he was sooooooo attractive!!! I remember watching him, on one of our first dates, walk into the convenience store to get me something to drink. I saw him at the counter, paying, and my heart leaped! I was in love.

Stephen has two daughters, Allie and Raylee, and they were 4 and 6 when we first met. They have always been the CUTEST kids. I've said many times that if I were to pick two daughters to adopt out of the world's children, these two would be the ones I'd take home for my own! I give praise to God for that.

It was not easy, though, by any means, for me to marry and have an "Insta Family" as they call them these days. I have done my best, and LITERALLY, have relied on the Holy Spirit, to do what is right for them and by them.

But it's hard sometimes to know what is "right for them": For one thing, I'm not their biological mother. I'm not related to them at all, actually, except through their father. For another, I have little input in their lives. The major details and decisions, including discipline, are hammered out by their parents. It can be really frustrating, especially in the beginning.

In the beginning, my policy was, had to be, to love the girls "at a bit of a distance," knowing that they never wanted or needed me in their lives in the first place.

I remember the way Allie used to look at me--with large, sad, wondering eyes. Always such a darling, she'd never SAY what I could read in her eyes, a deep longing for her parents to get back together, for the world to be made aright. I will never forget those eyes.

I remember reaching out to them, then, on a "needs only basis." I could sense what they were going through, noticed, toward the end of a weekend stay, how they would need to cuddle up to me on the couch, hug on me. They missed their Momma.

It's hard to "let people in" when you know you won't be allowed in for long periods of time. It's hard to love with all your might and then feel like, at the end of a weekend, that it's all taken from you, the faucet has been turned off all together, and the ones you love are whisked away, and they forget...

Or do they?

I think this brought on the "arm's length" phase. I can almost laugh now as I type, seeing the progression, knowing in my spirit that God has orchestrated all of this. "Nearer, Nearer to Thee," I hear rolling over in my spirit as I type now.

The funny thing about keeping kids "at arm's length"? It's just nigh to impossible to keep from throwing them to you and wrapping them in your arms.

One of the things the Holy Spirit kept telling me, keeps telling me, is, "Treat them like they are your own."

So, when I asked Raylee what theme she wanted for her ninth birthday party this year, and she said, "Flowers," I was a bit perplexed. Moving away from the easy-to-buy-for-themes, huh? Now, this is a challenge. So, I weighed the options--what to do.

"Do this party like it was for you," I felt in my spirit.

So I named her party, "Flower Bouquet" and filled our home with bouquets of flowers, all over the house, for her birthday party. On or in each bouquet was a note--each differnt--about Raylee. One said, "What a flowery personality," another, "Nine years of joy" and "Isn't she lovely?"

The night before the party, Raylee walked in with Allie and Psalm and Stephen, after a dinner sans me (I wanted to work on the decor for the party).

Raylee came in, mouth open, in awe of all of the flowers and bouquets. She went around reading aloud what I'd written about her on the bouquets. She looked at me, incredulous, and said, "You did this? For me?"

"All for you!" I said. "Happy Birthday, sweetie."

Her eyes teared up a bit and she exclaimed, "YOU'RE THE BEST STEPMOM IN THE WORLD!!!"