A Dream: The Roller Coaster Car Ride

Psalm, a dear friend of mine, and I were in a car headed somewhere--there was a purpose, a fixed destination. It was night time and we were in the same SUV together.

It had to have been the Fourth of July because as we were on our way together, we saw fireworks go off. When my friend saw the fireworks, I could tell she missed being at home, so she decided--and I encouraged her--to drive to her home and let us drop her off there so she could be with her family. It was understood that Psalm and I would then go on in the car ourselves, heading for our previous destination.

So she took another road than the one we were on, heading for her house. The road was full of mini-hills and valleys, and the farther we drove, the taller the hills got and the faster the car went. It began to feel like a roller coaster ride--to the point where I would be thrown up, off my seat, head nearly hitting the roof of the car. It wasn't, in itself, "scary," but as we continued, and the hills and "roller coaster feel" continued, I got an uneasy feeling.

Then, as we topped the last hill, we all realized the road had ended and we, in the car, began the long, life-ending descent to the bottom of this huge cliff. I could see the bottom, hundreds of feet below, and knew the inevitable had come.

On the way down, Psalm and I had an out-of-body experience--we were suspended, outside of the car, watching the car and our physical bodies make the descent to the canyon floor below.

And then I woke up.

"Love My Church"

It's funny, or ironic. Or just bizarre, really. How God puts something, some concept in your heart and then teaches you, in the most painful way possible, the reality/realities of that concept.

And I can't help but think, in these times, "God, trust me. I could've read this, in some article or something, and gotten the 'moral of the story'--Did I have to learn this lesson first-hand? Is this going to help me somehow, to be stronger?"

Lately, in the past few days, God has really drawn my attention to passages that urge us to "Love one another." "Feed my sheep." "That's how they will know you're my disciples--because you love one another." In a book that I'm reading by Francis Chan, "Forgotten God," he talks about how the whole PURPOSE of the Holy Spirit, giftings and movements in us is to edify the church. In one chapter, he said that he heard God leading him to "Love the church."

This stood out to me then, because I think it's rather hard to love the church sometimes. (Of course it's hard--that's why Jesus said that THAT'S the measure by which they would know us, that they would see Jesus in us--that we could actually love "church people"!!!) People can be rude, mean, even evil. They can pre-judge you, mis-judge you, try to manipulate you, sabotage you. People are not beyond making stories up about you, lying, causing divisions, murmuring and complaining...I see levels of apathy in the church that far outweigh the apathy I find in the classroom--and I've been teaching now for 18 years. It can be frustrating. VERY FRUSTRATING.

I am a positive person who tries to avoid negativity. I try to avoid people who cause division, people who are rude, mean, even evil. Why would I want to be around people like that? Yet there are church people who are like that.

And there are wonderful people, too. Precious people who love the Lord, who love me and others, who forgive us all for our faults and failures, who extend grace and mercy to the deserving and undeserving alike. There are teachers and mentors in the church who have shaped me in irrevocable ways. I have been prayed for by warriors of the faith. I have been spoken over, blessed by countless LOVABLE people in His church, too. And the good people and moments have far outweighed the bad.

When I think back on the tears, pain, hurt, of this evening's events, I could easily get bitter. I could decide to walk away from those who have deeply hurt me. I could build up walls, lose my joy, become bound and eventually allow apathy to abound in my spirit...

But that's when I hear Him say to me, quietly, clearly, "Love My Church"...

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Afterthoughts:

As I was typing this, I felt the Holy Spirit telling me that it wasn't GOD'S IDEA to make me learn the lesson of "love" by enduring a PAINFUL incident. He had led me to those verses, concepts, because he KNEW what was ahead of me. He knew what was coming and what I needed to have embedded in my spirit to combat it. HE didn't DO THIS to me.

Another "coincidence": Before I had even gotten the message finished for church tonight, I had already gotten the title for the next message: "Revolution: Love." I guess THAT'S been completely confirmed, then, huh?

The Critics

"All of us are affected by what other people think, say and do in response to who we are. Yet if pleasing other people becomes the goal, you will spend the rest of your life chasing down your critics. If satisfying the critics becomes your goal, you’ll never have peace. God knows you and loves you unconditionally. Remember that you serve the Living King…and not the critics."

--update on T.D. Jakes Ministry page on Facebook, 11-26-11

Family First

No matter what, my family comes first.

I cannot get over-busy with life and times and forget about the most important people to me: my husband and my daughter.

And yet I do get over-busy with life and times and forget about the most important people to me: my husband and my daughter.

This post today is a reminder to me, a declaration of my intent and spirit, and a notification to the enemy that I WILL NOT fail my family. They are my top priority.

They come first.

Daring to Hope

This morning, even as I begin work on this month's "bills," I cannot help but feel this great sense of HOPE, this EXCITEMENT that is brewing/stirring in my spirit!!! I'm not sure what it is, or from whence it comes, but I cannot wait to see the "unveiling" of this very special gift!!!

Part of me this morning hopes this HOPE is a HOPE about Ireland. Although financially it looks virtually impossible that Stephen, Sissy, and I will be able to visit there this summer, this morning I DARE TO HOPE that we will return...And I dare to say it, speak it out with my mouth: "Lord, you can and WILL provide if this is Your Will!!! Let it be unto me, according to Your WILL!!!"

"I am not satisfied with anything just ordinary. I am not satisfied at all"--I shout these paraphrased lyrics to the heavens!!!

I am EXCITED about what is going on, what He is and will do, and where all of this is taking me!!! Praise the Lord!!!