How I wish I could pray the prayer that obliterates this awful toxicity from your body. How I wish I could touch your body and summon forth the infection that plagues it. If I could, I would turn this wish to a reality and pray that prayer and call forth the evil thing from your precious body and cast it into everlasting Nothingness, where it would never bother you--or anyone else--again.
Never.
I see flickers of your pain, the fear you are holding back (I nearly see the reins that you've fastened to it), when I catch you lost in your thoughts. I can only imagine what lies behind that which is reined; thankfully, you've caged that. For now.
When you speak, you sound as strong as ever, as resolute as ever. You will not let anyone see you struggle with doubt and fear and shock and...pain.
Sometimes I think I can hear the little girl whimpering within you. She's there, I know. Perhaps it is she that is in chains, held back behind the fear.
You speak with anointing and authority when you say, "I am not afraid. I'm not. I am not afraid." But I know that you speak this in faith. You know what the Scripture saith: that our words bring Life or Death. You will not summon the darkness. Nor will I.
I know you feel very alone. I know you feel as if you don't have a friend. You've never said as much, but deep within me, I know it's true, this is how you feel. You are friend to all but cannot afford the luxury of having a friend yourself.
"Oh, yes," I can imagine you saying, "I have friends. Think of So-and-so, and You-know-who..."
Yes, Momma. On some level, you have many dear friends. But I know you have never let any of them in--not fully. I know you can't afford to.
You have to be strong for everyone else. And you have been. Miraculously so. You serve with a God-given passion and strength that only He could give. I know and believe with all of my heart that you are a true Servant of The Lord.
I know that I'm not the only one who would fight the enemy with a fly-swatter (if that's all I had) for your sake. You have many loved ones who would fight on your behalf, too, and love you with all of their hearts. And they do, Momma. With all of their hearts.
You are a blessing to all who know you, a living example and student of God's Word, an incredible mother and sister and daughter, aunt and friend, missionary and minister. You are a inspiration to us all, Momma, please know that. And there are a dozen people who would fight to the death for your life. I know it.
But I also know something even more important. I know in Whom we have believed and I am persuaded that He is able to keep that which we've committed unto Him against that day.
And as Poppa said so startingly and eloquently yesterday, "This is 'that day.'"
Momma, I want you to know that you're not alone. You. Are. Not. Alone. And I'm not even talking about all of us here. I'm talking about Him.
Our Lord and God Almighty knows precisely who and where you are. He knows what's going on and I KNOW that God is ABLE. I TRUST HIM in all things. He will do what is right. He has you in the palm of His hand. And when HE fights the enemy, it's not with a measly fly-swatter, it's with His Word and heavenly armies that are most capable.
Though I would love to say I'd fight it all off for you, I know I am merely human. HE, however, is more than able. He spoke this world into motion, moved upon the waters, breathed His life into a man, and committed himself to us because He loves us.
He loves you, Momma. And HE WILL SEE YOU THROUGH all of this.
All of it.
Amen.
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