I heard this song this morning on internet radio. It blesses me today, as always:
"It Is Well with My Soul"
When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
Refrain:
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.
My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
If Jordan above me shall roll,
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.
But, Lord, ’tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord!
Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul!
And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.
Amen. And Amen. Let it be, Lord, to me, according to your word.
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Thoughts on Life This Morning, Part Two
"Success is always intentional. No one who succeeds wakes up one day and asks, 'Where am I? How did I get here?' Be purposeful about where God is taking you. He’s intentional about your arrival." --taken from T.D. Jakes Ministries on Facebook
I feel like this morning has been productive and purposeful.
I am getting my financial affairs in order. It's not going to happen overnight, but GOD WILLING, within the year, my "mess" will be in the past. Where it belongs.
Praise God!
And I can then focus on WHAT GOD HAS IN STORE FOR ME: "Post Debt," "Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome"!!!
I feel like this morning has been productive and purposeful.
I am getting my financial affairs in order. It's not going to happen overnight, but GOD WILLING, within the year, my "mess" will be in the past. Where it belongs.
Praise God!
And I can then focus on WHAT GOD HAS IN STORE FOR ME: "Post Debt," "Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome"!!!
Thoughts on Life This Morning
It's the morning after the fast has ended. I have been up for an hour and some working on bills and taxes.
Taxes:
For the past two nights, I was awakened--I believe by the Lord--and reminded, with an URGENCY, to get my taxes in order. This means that I have to figure a payment system for what may be, I shudder to learn exactly, an approximately $6000 tax bill from last year.
We don't have the money, but I trust God to help me figure out a way that the payments can be made so we reconcile this debt within the coming year--including the payments we will owe for the coming year.
Night before last, I woke up with such stress over it that I just turned over onto my face and pillow and said, "Lord, I trust you. Show me what to do. Show me how to do this."
And I believe He has given me a strategy.
So now, come Monday, I will be putting that strategy into effect so we can work on paying the massive debt we have to the government.
My job/s:
I am thankful, so thankful, for my job. And I will do all I can to work harder than ever and be better at all of my jobs and duties as a wife, mother, teacher, church servant. I need to get things in order. I feel an urgency to get everything in order.
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And so this day, I embark on life "post corporate fast 2012" and I am seeking God about what I need to do now and in the future to get my affairs in order to be able to go on another missions trip--this time with my family--as soon as possible.
And I pray I can keep up the work out routine and the energy levels I need to sustain me in all of this. Because I feel so much better when I am working out.
I trust you, Lord. In all things, I trust you.
Taxes:
For the past two nights, I was awakened--I believe by the Lord--and reminded, with an URGENCY, to get my taxes in order. This means that I have to figure a payment system for what may be, I shudder to learn exactly, an approximately $6000 tax bill from last year.
We don't have the money, but I trust God to help me figure out a way that the payments can be made so we reconcile this debt within the coming year--including the payments we will owe for the coming year.
Night before last, I woke up with such stress over it that I just turned over onto my face and pillow and said, "Lord, I trust you. Show me what to do. Show me how to do this."
And I believe He has given me a strategy.
So now, come Monday, I will be putting that strategy into effect so we can work on paying the massive debt we have to the government.
My job/s:
I am thankful, so thankful, for my job. And I will do all I can to work harder than ever and be better at all of my jobs and duties as a wife, mother, teacher, church servant. I need to get things in order. I feel an urgency to get everything in order.
------------------------------------
And so this day, I embark on life "post corporate fast 2012" and I am seeking God about what I need to do now and in the future to get my affairs in order to be able to go on another missions trip--this time with my family--as soon as possible.
And I pray I can keep up the work out routine and the energy levels I need to sustain me in all of this. Because I feel so much better when I am working out.
I trust you, Lord. In all things, I trust you.
Friday, January 20, 2012
Thoughts on Day 12 of the Fast
It's Day 12 of the Fast and I was running so behind this morning that I didn't get a chance to sit down and make some notations! So, here I am, in between my first and second classes, playing catch up, knowing I only have a minute or two, if I'm lucky!
I cannot believe that this is already the last day of the fast! I believe I HAVE received important instruction and I believe that, already, this fast has been identifiably fruitful for me.
I've already thought about tomorrow, about what from this fast I may take with me into the future; namely, should I keep the "sweet things" fast? But if I'm going to do it, I need to do it right: so I'm really trying to seek God today for an answer about what HIS will, as opposed to mine (and as opposed to diet), really is.
I know I want to get stronger in every way: spiritually, physically, emotionally. I really want to GROW and GROW and GROW in Him so that I can, in faith, fulfill my destiny on this planet. And I mean this when I say this (more than ever before)--and that means WHATEVER HIS DESTINY FOR ME IS. Wherever it takes me, whatever it takes. I reeeeeally want to do His will.
Lord, God, please guide my footsteps. Please help me to hear you clearly, unmuted, fully, with an ever-open spirit. In Jesus' name. Amen.
I cannot believe that this is already the last day of the fast! I believe I HAVE received important instruction and I believe that, already, this fast has been identifiably fruitful for me.
I've already thought about tomorrow, about what from this fast I may take with me into the future; namely, should I keep the "sweet things" fast? But if I'm going to do it, I need to do it right: so I'm really trying to seek God today for an answer about what HIS will, as opposed to mine (and as opposed to diet), really is.
I know I want to get stronger in every way: spiritually, physically, emotionally. I really want to GROW and GROW and GROW in Him so that I can, in faith, fulfill my destiny on this planet. And I mean this when I say this (more than ever before)--and that means WHATEVER HIS DESTINY FOR ME IS. Wherever it takes me, whatever it takes. I reeeeeally want to do His will.
Lord, God, please guide my footsteps. Please help me to hear you clearly, unmuted, fully, with an ever-open spirit. In Jesus' name. Amen.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Thoughts on Day Eleven of the Fast
It's 6:33 a.m. on this, the eleventh day of the fast. This morning, I don't have much time to get myself and Sissy dressed because I've been asked to speak at the FCA gathering this morning at Cameron High School.
The verse that was placed on my heart last night after Paige Featherstone asked me to speak was Ephesians 6:10:
Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might.
And the second verse that was placed on my heart this morning follows it in Ephesians 6:13:
Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.
No matter what comes against us--today, tomorrow, this week, this month, this year, we can be strong in Him, in the MIGHT that He is and has. We can do our best to put on the whole armor of God to do battle...and even in those times when we feel we have thrown our last punch and taken our last punch, we have instruction here to just STAND confidently because HE IS WITH US and HE SAYS WE CAN DO IT.
God, help me to hear you today, help me to speak the words you have intended today for these students at Cameron High School. And thank you for the opportunity.
The verse that was placed on my heart last night after Paige Featherstone asked me to speak was Ephesians 6:10:
Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might.
And the second verse that was placed on my heart this morning follows it in Ephesians 6:13:
Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.
No matter what comes against us--today, tomorrow, this week, this month, this year, we can be strong in Him, in the MIGHT that He is and has. We can do our best to put on the whole armor of God to do battle...and even in those times when we feel we have thrown our last punch and taken our last punch, we have instruction here to just STAND confidently because HE IS WITH US and HE SAYS WE CAN DO IT.
God, help me to hear you today, help me to speak the words you have intended today for these students at Cameron High School. And thank you for the opportunity.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Thoughts on Day 10 of the Fast
Off I go to the first day of the Spring Semester in 2012!!! It's always a "neat" kind of experience when you walk into a classroom for the first time, see those students with which you'll be spending time for 16 weeks, and they lay eyes on you for the first time. This morning, as I prepare for school hurriedly, I will do my best to dedicate this entire semester to Him. What do you want me to say, Lord? Who can I reach this semester? I look forward to the opportunity--and keeping a positive frame of mind this semester!!!
It's also a service night tonight, so I have MUCH on the brain right now. I have NOTHING done on my message--at least with regard to the Powerpoint, but last night, I woke up with all of my message points and the title for the message...So I'm thankful for that. Now, I just need to make time to sit and type it all up.
Yes, I dedicate this day to the Lord, and pray that my life is, somehow, a reflection of his love and mercy and grace. Amen.
It's also a service night tonight, so I have MUCH on the brain right now. I have NOTHING done on my message--at least with regard to the Powerpoint, but last night, I woke up with all of my message points and the title for the message...So I'm thankful for that. Now, I just need to make time to sit and type it all up.
Yes, I dedicate this day to the Lord, and pray that my life is, somehow, a reflection of his love and mercy and grace. Amen.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Aching Bones and Other Thoughts on Day Nine of the Fast
I woke up this morning with aching bones. Every limb, it seems, feels the effects of the ache--it's difficult, even painful, to move right now.
I'm not sure why I'm aching THIS MUCH. I did go 10 laps at the track last night...but that's really not unusual for me. But last Thursday was the last time I got a chance to go to the track, so maybe that's it. Maybe that's why it hurts so much.
On a not-too-unrelated note...
Last night, I dreamed that I was on my way to visit another church, my mom's church, and when I walked in, I realized that they were expecting me to speak. The panic I felt when I realized that I had one notebook with me and nothing in it to help me with some last minute message ideas--because I had not/have not been keeping up with my daily scripture devotions--is one I can only describe as pure desperation.
I walked back to the bathroom--to search desperately through my Bible and notebook for any kind of direction for the message--but it was occupied. I stood outside of the door, inwardly impatient and stressed out, trying to figure out what I was going to talk about. While I stood there, waiting for the bathroom, people kept coming in through the doors for the service. It was a night service and I remember thinking, "Where are all of these people coming from?" They were people I did not know, people of all nationalities. They were families, kids and Bibles in tow. On a Sunday night.
There are two doors to the ladies bathroom at my mom's church, and I realized soon that the occupant had gone out the other door. I peeked my head in and saw Grandma's walker in there. She had left it there. So, even though the bathroom was unoccupied, I still couldn't go in and lock myself in because I knew she needed that walker and would be back for it soon.
I awoke shortly thereafter, knowing I needed to write all of this down.
I'm not sure why I'm aching THIS MUCH. I did go 10 laps at the track last night...but that's really not unusual for me. But last Thursday was the last time I got a chance to go to the track, so maybe that's it. Maybe that's why it hurts so much.
On a not-too-unrelated note...
Last night, I dreamed that I was on my way to visit another church, my mom's church, and when I walked in, I realized that they were expecting me to speak. The panic I felt when I realized that I had one notebook with me and nothing in it to help me with some last minute message ideas--because I had not/have not been keeping up with my daily scripture devotions--is one I can only describe as pure desperation.
I walked back to the bathroom--to search desperately through my Bible and notebook for any kind of direction for the message--but it was occupied. I stood outside of the door, inwardly impatient and stressed out, trying to figure out what I was going to talk about. While I stood there, waiting for the bathroom, people kept coming in through the doors for the service. It was a night service and I remember thinking, "Where are all of these people coming from?" They were people I did not know, people of all nationalities. They were families, kids and Bibles in tow. On a Sunday night.
There are two doors to the ladies bathroom at my mom's church, and I realized soon that the occupant had gone out the other door. I peeked my head in and saw Grandma's walker in there. She had left it there. So, even though the bathroom was unoccupied, I still couldn't go in and lock myself in because I knew she needed that walker and would be back for it soon.
I awoke shortly thereafter, knowing I needed to write all of this down.
Monday, January 16, 2012
A Dream Realized (Thoughts on Day 8 of the Fast)
A genuine leader is not a searcher for consensus but a molder of consensus.
--Martin Luther King, Jr.
Day 8 of the fast and it's Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. I love this day, this holiday, and I'm so happy happy happy to say that I spent the day before experiencing what King, Jr., would have LOVED to be able to see with his own eyes: people of all nations worshipping God together in unity, love, and peace.
Some have said that it is not possible. And globally, I'm sure they're right. But I saw a snapshot of heaven yesterday--when Stephen, Psalm, and I worshipped together at The Potter's House.
King said, "A genuine leader is not a searcher for consensus but a molder of consensus." And that's precisely what Bishop Jakes was speaking about yesterday in his message at TPH. His message was the third in a series about "Living a Life with Purpose." He talked about not wasting time, in life, in job, in relationship, and living each moment with purpose because "the harvest is white."
And, at a crucial time in my life, and my family's lives, I feel like he literally challenged us yesterday to avoid becoming people who seek consensus of the crowd--but who seek God and, subsequently, mold the consensus of the crowd.
I could say more here, but I have several things to do this morning. I may write more today or in my journal.
May there be MORE Peace, Love, and Unity in Christ every day until He comes to get us. Amen.
--Martin Luther King, Jr.
Day 8 of the fast and it's Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. I love this day, this holiday, and I'm so happy happy happy to say that I spent the day before experiencing what King, Jr., would have LOVED to be able to see with his own eyes: people of all nations worshipping God together in unity, love, and peace.
Some have said that it is not possible. And globally, I'm sure they're right. But I saw a snapshot of heaven yesterday--when Stephen, Psalm, and I worshipped together at The Potter's House.
King said, "A genuine leader is not a searcher for consensus but a molder of consensus." And that's precisely what Bishop Jakes was speaking about yesterday in his message at TPH. His message was the third in a series about "Living a Life with Purpose." He talked about not wasting time, in life, in job, in relationship, and living each moment with purpose because "the harvest is white."
And, at a crucial time in my life, and my family's lives, I feel like he literally challenged us yesterday to avoid becoming people who seek consensus of the crowd--but who seek God and, subsequently, mold the consensus of the crowd.
I could say more here, but I have several things to do this morning. I may write more today or in my journal.
May there be MORE Peace, Love, and Unity in Christ every day until He comes to get us. Amen.
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Thoughts on Day Seven of the Fast
Honestly, I use FB for good reasons: to keep connected to people, share "good news" in hopes of combating all of the bad...even if minutely. I get inspiring updates from people who are in the ministry (Joel O. and T.D. J., for example). I post pictures of me and my family so that my family and friends who are not close by can feel like they are not so far away from everything. FB keeps people connected.
But now I'm wondering: is it time to step away from it? Or is it, legitimately, a good way to stay connected with people?
How can I use it for good, but minimize its priority standing in my day? Do I keep it off of my phone and maybe just limit it to the few times I can get access to a laptop?
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I'm also wondering, since I've made two foul ups since the fast started, if I should keep going with the sweets fast after the 12 designated days have ended. Obviously, this is something I need to think about. I've been asking God to help me become healthier and stronger for His service...So it wouldn't be a "diet"...Hmmm...Could I do it?
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I'm not sure what I think about TV yet. But I do think I'll spend more time thinking about it in the next few days to see what I need to do about it once the fast ends. We turned on the TV here in the hotel yesterday because Sis asked me to, and it just about gave me a MASSIVE headache as we scrolled through the channels surfing for something decent/legitimate/half-way intelligent to watch.
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So, is the "spiritual buffet" the real answer here? Is this going to be the THING that I learn and take and apply from all of this? I'm thinking I must think about this and attempt to apply its meaning in all of these cases.
I need to chew more on what is good in all of this life He has given me. I need to stop having a "sampler" mentality and cut out the excess--in EVERYTHING--ad just allow my thoughts to ponder only those things that have meaning, meat, eternal value (in one way or another)...
I think it could make me a better wife, mom, Christian, teacher.
Yes, I will definitely think about this.
But now I'm wondering: is it time to step away from it? Or is it, legitimately, a good way to stay connected with people?
How can I use it for good, but minimize its priority standing in my day? Do I keep it off of my phone and maybe just limit it to the few times I can get access to a laptop?
--------------------------------------
I'm also wondering, since I've made two foul ups since the fast started, if I should keep going with the sweets fast after the 12 designated days have ended. Obviously, this is something I need to think about. I've been asking God to help me become healthier and stronger for His service...So it wouldn't be a "diet"...Hmmm...Could I do it?
--------------------------------------
I'm not sure what I think about TV yet. But I do think I'll spend more time thinking about it in the next few days to see what I need to do about it once the fast ends. We turned on the TV here in the hotel yesterday because Sis asked me to, and it just about gave me a MASSIVE headache as we scrolled through the channels surfing for something decent/legitimate/half-way intelligent to watch.
--------------------------------------
So, is the "spiritual buffet" the real answer here? Is this going to be the THING that I learn and take and apply from all of this? I'm thinking I must think about this and attempt to apply its meaning in all of these cases.
I need to chew more on what is good in all of this life He has given me. I need to stop having a "sampler" mentality and cut out the excess--in EVERYTHING--ad just allow my thoughts to ponder only those things that have meaning, meat, eternal value (in one way or another)...
I think it could make me a better wife, mom, Christian, teacher.
Yes, I will definitely think about this.
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Thoughts on Day Six of the Fast
Well...I have not-so-great news to report about the fast last night. When we got in the car and started off, after having driven almost an hour to Talihina to take Psalm to the ER for her ear infection and then waiting about an hour for the doctor and medication, we stopped for food at a convenience store. All I can say is that I guess I totally went into "car travel mode" and had Stephen get me three bags of Whoppers candies for the road. It wasn't until I had eaten the third one that I started thinking, "This is unlike me to eat this much candy. Why am I craving it...?"
Oh, yeah, I'm fasting...!!!
I was sick at my stomach the second I remembered WHY I had crazily crammed three packages of Whoppers in my mouth!!! But I can honestly say that I had no idea--it had totally slipped my mind.
Ugh...I hate failing.
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This morning, though, I'm off to a great start again. Stephen just left with Justin for the ball field at Rangers Stadium and sis and I are here at the hotel. She's watching Sponge Bob, and I'm getting ready to work on my studies for the next ministry class. I hope to get some devotions done, too, in the next couple of hours and then head with sis to the mall to look to see if I can find Stephen a birthday gift.
Oh, yeah, I'm fasting...!!!
I was sick at my stomach the second I remembered WHY I had crazily crammed three packages of Whoppers in my mouth!!! But I can honestly say that I had no idea--it had totally slipped my mind.
Ugh...I hate failing.
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This morning, though, I'm off to a great start again. Stephen just left with Justin for the ball field at Rangers Stadium and sis and I are here at the hotel. She's watching Sponge Bob, and I'm getting ready to work on my studies for the next ministry class. I hope to get some devotions done, too, in the next couple of hours and then head with sis to the mall to look to see if I can find Stephen a birthday gift.
Friday, January 13, 2012
Thoughts on Day Five of the Fast
Well, what a day!!!
We are heading off to Dallas for the weekend, and it has worked out that we are going to get to go to The Potter's House on Sunday Morning...And this morning, Stephen found out that T.D. Jakes will be there!!! We are packing now and getting ready to leave, so I will not be able to write a detailed list about what I've learned/observed today.
But I will say this: I am soooooooooo looking forward to Sunday Morning--Stephen and I both feel that we are both supposed to be there!!!
More details coming up! We think we will have WIFI at the hotel so I can update tomorrow!!! :)
We are heading off to Dallas for the weekend, and it has worked out that we are going to get to go to The Potter's House on Sunday Morning...And this morning, Stephen found out that T.D. Jakes will be there!!! We are packing now and getting ready to leave, so I will not be able to write a detailed list about what I've learned/observed today.
But I will say this: I am soooooooooo looking forward to Sunday Morning--Stephen and I both feel that we are both supposed to be there!!!
More details coming up! We think we will have WIFI at the hotel so I can update tomorrow!!! :)
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Thoughts on Day Four of the Fast
Well, today is Day 4 of the Fast.
My observations about WHAT I'm fasting haven't changed much at all, so today I'm going to focus on some of the breakthrough moments I had:
1. While my students were taking their test this morning, I got to do some MAJOR devotions...I started reading the Evangel from last week and got "sucked in" to the articles and editorials that were published in that edition. I felt like they were directly speaking to me.
One thing I learned was I got direction and insight for the next (or at least upcoming) message series I need to do, including an idea for the congregation to participate in one of the lessons.
I was also challenged to think about what God wants me to think about only. He kind of reminded me of a comment I had made last Wednesday night in my message...When I talked about the "Spiritual Buffet," how we get into this habit of "sampling" all of these spiritual things available to us in our culture on this massive spiritual buffet. But the Lord told me that we can get too bogged down, even by trying to sample every godly thing that comes down the pike. I felt like my lesson today was that I needed to rely on him to instruct me on what to read, what to investigate--and if he wants me to investigate something, then there is a reason for it. And I need to really chew on it--because what he tells me to concentrate on is not a sampling from the salad bar...it's meat and potatoes and green beans.
2. I got the chance to go to the track this afternoon while my students were in their designated Library Time. During the track time, it was amazing time with God. I listened to the Third Day Offerings cd and walked and jogged and walked and jogged. I ended up jogging TWO FULL LAPS and going a total of 10 laps. It was freezing out there, and I experienced some asthma problems, but I really felt him speaking to me.
At one point, he showed me the track laps. That we all are on one lane of the track or the other and we only get so many walks around before we've gone as far as we can go and we quit for the day. Some people can walk one lap before they stop; others two, three, seven...and so on. Each lap is precious. We don't know when we have rounded our last corner, when our time is up, when we face Him and we are accountable for every lap we made, every step, every decision. We must keep this ever in mind.
Another observation: He made me realize how much better I do when I'm listening to music when I walk. It seems like music gives me a spring in my step, even when I am tired or unable to muster the "spring" even if I tried! But with music, the laps go by quickly, happily, and I find myself rounding corners, looking forward to the next song!!! He reminded me of what it was like to walk the track without music--I used to do this back in my single college days, for security and safety reasons. But it was really hard, then, without music, to keep the energy level up, let alone a spring in my step. And today, after that reminder, he showed me that that is what people are like: with music, with God, life is much easier, it tends to fly by, we tend to look forward to what is around the corner. Without music, without God, it is a struggle, so much so that you find there's not much to look forward to, so you keep thinking when it's time to give up, sit down, walk away. I suppose this could, in addition to applying to our lives on this earth, also relate and be relevant to anything that matters to us--like relationships, for example.
3. Another great thing that happened today was that I got to go to church and pray through the stations set up there. They had specific stations set up throughout the sanctuary and youth/children's church room so you could stop and pray for whatever the station was about. I really enjoyed it. It helped to focus the prayers, AND it helped me to do some self-assessments on certain subjects that I've needed to do a little self-assessment on. I didn't know what to expect going in, I must admit, but I really enjoyed it once I got there and went through it. Stephen said I prayed there for about an hour--which, to me, it felt like 30 minutes. What God did? Just how it was set up, I felt like I really "got through" on some of the prayer station topics--like healing, for instance. I felt myself praying, connecting, to many faces: family and church family and friends and co-workers alike. I prayed for needs that I knew of in their lives, and I felt like I had a CRYSTAL CLEAR connection for once. And as I prayed, I never said a word out loud, methinks, at least an English word. Yet I felt like my thoughts were going up right before His throne. Praise God.
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I have been able to "feel" more connected today...It has been such a wonderful day, a day I've hoped for, longed for, for quite a few days...
Looking forward to what God has for Day 4 of the fast---and this weekend!!! :)
My observations about WHAT I'm fasting haven't changed much at all, so today I'm going to focus on some of the breakthrough moments I had:
1. While my students were taking their test this morning, I got to do some MAJOR devotions...I started reading the Evangel from last week and got "sucked in" to the articles and editorials that were published in that edition. I felt like they were directly speaking to me.
One thing I learned was I got direction and insight for the next (or at least upcoming) message series I need to do, including an idea for the congregation to participate in one of the lessons.
I was also challenged to think about what God wants me to think about only. He kind of reminded me of a comment I had made last Wednesday night in my message...When I talked about the "Spiritual Buffet," how we get into this habit of "sampling" all of these spiritual things available to us in our culture on this massive spiritual buffet. But the Lord told me that we can get too bogged down, even by trying to sample every godly thing that comes down the pike. I felt like my lesson today was that I needed to rely on him to instruct me on what to read, what to investigate--and if he wants me to investigate something, then there is a reason for it. And I need to really chew on it--because what he tells me to concentrate on is not a sampling from the salad bar...it's meat and potatoes and green beans.
2. I got the chance to go to the track this afternoon while my students were in their designated Library Time. During the track time, it was amazing time with God. I listened to the Third Day Offerings cd and walked and jogged and walked and jogged. I ended up jogging TWO FULL LAPS and going a total of 10 laps. It was freezing out there, and I experienced some asthma problems, but I really felt him speaking to me.
At one point, he showed me the track laps. That we all are on one lane of the track or the other and we only get so many walks around before we've gone as far as we can go and we quit for the day. Some people can walk one lap before they stop; others two, three, seven...and so on. Each lap is precious. We don't know when we have rounded our last corner, when our time is up, when we face Him and we are accountable for every lap we made, every step, every decision. We must keep this ever in mind.
Another observation: He made me realize how much better I do when I'm listening to music when I walk. It seems like music gives me a spring in my step, even when I am tired or unable to muster the "spring" even if I tried! But with music, the laps go by quickly, happily, and I find myself rounding corners, looking forward to the next song!!! He reminded me of what it was like to walk the track without music--I used to do this back in my single college days, for security and safety reasons. But it was really hard, then, without music, to keep the energy level up, let alone a spring in my step. And today, after that reminder, he showed me that that is what people are like: with music, with God, life is much easier, it tends to fly by, we tend to look forward to what is around the corner. Without music, without God, it is a struggle, so much so that you find there's not much to look forward to, so you keep thinking when it's time to give up, sit down, walk away. I suppose this could, in addition to applying to our lives on this earth, also relate and be relevant to anything that matters to us--like relationships, for example.
3. Another great thing that happened today was that I got to go to church and pray through the stations set up there. They had specific stations set up throughout the sanctuary and youth/children's church room so you could stop and pray for whatever the station was about. I really enjoyed it. It helped to focus the prayers, AND it helped me to do some self-assessments on certain subjects that I've needed to do a little self-assessment on. I didn't know what to expect going in, I must admit, but I really enjoyed it once I got there and went through it. Stephen said I prayed there for about an hour--which, to me, it felt like 30 minutes. What God did? Just how it was set up, I felt like I really "got through" on some of the prayer station topics--like healing, for instance. I felt myself praying, connecting, to many faces: family and church family and friends and co-workers alike. I prayed for needs that I knew of in their lives, and I felt like I had a CRYSTAL CLEAR connection for once. And as I prayed, I never said a word out loud, methinks, at least an English word. Yet I felt like my thoughts were going up right before His throne. Praise God.
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I have been able to "feel" more connected today...It has been such a wonderful day, a day I've hoped for, longed for, for quite a few days...
Looking forward to what God has for Day 4 of the fast---and this weekend!!! :)
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Thoughts on Day Three of the Fast
Day three of the fast and here are my thoughts and observations:
1. I am not as "hungry" for the TV, because I already "know" that I can't access it right now--but there is this dull silence in its place, where I think about the 20 or so things I have to do. For instance, right now I am thinking about the 60-question test I have to type from scratch for class tomorrow. It has to be typed, printed out and ready to go by 9 a.m. tomorrow morning. I don't even have time to write this blog, because I should be cleaning the kitchen or working on the test, but Stephen said I could use the computer and I thought I'd force myself to reflect before run out of time and energy.
Honestly, right now, I could probably live without the TV and cable permanently without major withdrawals, but, like I say, it's almost like the "You still need to do ____________ and ________________" stressors are louder than ever. The TV, it seems, helps to at least mute the endless To-Do list scrolling through my head.
So is there a way to cut through that? To just listen to God? Or just hang out with him? Without hearing the To-Do list in my brain? If so, I am honest when I say I would like to know.
2. At the coffee shop today for lunch, I accidentally bought and ate two chocolate covered coffee beans before I realized they were "sweets" and I couldn't have them. So I gave the rest away to a friend. But then, when I got home, Psalm opened the popcorn container while I was working on the message and I grabbed a handful of caramel popcorn--on purpose--because it tasted better than the stale regular popcorn, and I ate it because I was so stressed out.
Then, when I ate as much as I could stomach, I put it away, thinking how I just blew my fast with a few handfuls of caramel popcorn.
I hate when I fail, especially when this should have been easy, a no-brainer.
3. Day three of no Facebook, and I REALLY could not care less.
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My worry again, today, is that, it seems to me, I still can't hear God any more than usual because there are SO MANY THINGS going through my brain...Am I supposed to be doing something more than I am? If so, what? As I said in service tonight, I wonder if I could even hear him if he tried to talk to me...
Aren't I supposed to be in pain during the fast? Maybe I'll feel that way next week, when I get a chance to start missing meals. Maybe that will help. Aren't I supposed to be hearing something or learning something? I mean, more than usual?
1. I am not as "hungry" for the TV, because I already "know" that I can't access it right now--but there is this dull silence in its place, where I think about the 20 or so things I have to do. For instance, right now I am thinking about the 60-question test I have to type from scratch for class tomorrow. It has to be typed, printed out and ready to go by 9 a.m. tomorrow morning. I don't even have time to write this blog, because I should be cleaning the kitchen or working on the test, but Stephen said I could use the computer and I thought I'd force myself to reflect before run out of time and energy.
Honestly, right now, I could probably live without the TV and cable permanently without major withdrawals, but, like I say, it's almost like the "You still need to do ____________ and ________________" stressors are louder than ever. The TV, it seems, helps to at least mute the endless To-Do list scrolling through my head.
So is there a way to cut through that? To just listen to God? Or just hang out with him? Without hearing the To-Do list in my brain? If so, I am honest when I say I would like to know.
2. At the coffee shop today for lunch, I accidentally bought and ate two chocolate covered coffee beans before I realized they were "sweets" and I couldn't have them. So I gave the rest away to a friend. But then, when I got home, Psalm opened the popcorn container while I was working on the message and I grabbed a handful of caramel popcorn--on purpose--because it tasted better than the stale regular popcorn, and I ate it because I was so stressed out.
Then, when I ate as much as I could stomach, I put it away, thinking how I just blew my fast with a few handfuls of caramel popcorn.
I hate when I fail, especially when this should have been easy, a no-brainer.
3. Day three of no Facebook, and I REALLY could not care less.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
My worry again, today, is that, it seems to me, I still can't hear God any more than usual because there are SO MANY THINGS going through my brain...Am I supposed to be doing something more than I am? If so, what? As I said in service tonight, I wonder if I could even hear him if he tried to talk to me...
Aren't I supposed to be in pain during the fast? Maybe I'll feel that way next week, when I get a chance to start missing meals. Maybe that will help. Aren't I supposed to be hearing something or learning something? I mean, more than usual?
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Thoughts on Day Two of the Fast
Though I still don't have much time to reflect--I have a service to prepare for tomorrow night and I am drained from the Interim class I am teaching this week--I still wanted to stop and write my thoughts on this, the second day of the fast.
1. I am still most pained by the separation from TV/Cable. Undoubtedly, THIS is the most addictive thing that I have put down for this fast. And, ultimately, I feel it most when I am at home. It is clear to me that I spend far too much time on the TV, but more, that I rely upon it to relax, or de-stress. I turn it on in the morning to help me get my mind going as I get dressed. I turn it on when I get home and eat a snack in front of the TV. I turn it on if I have a naptime, just so I have noise in the background, and the same goes for when I go to bed. It is the way I tune out everything and allow my mind to slow down enough to sleep.
At this point, I'm wondering what God has in mind to teach me about that. How can I change things after the fast? Can/Should I be thinking of ways to reprogram my evenings and mornings and avoid falling into the TV trap? And I hate to say this, but what can take its place?
Also, I realize that the intention of the fast is not to obsess about what I'm missing, but to allow God to speak to me clearly about ANYTHING he wants to speak to me about. So at some point in this fast, I hope I make the adjustment to NO TV so I can allow myself to hear him...beyond what he's teaching me about my TV addiction.
2. Facebook still really isn't a problem. Honestly, there are times throughout the day when I think, "I would have posted that thought or action," but I don't really have a CRAVING to get on Facebook. I do wonder whose birthdays I'm missing, hope I'm not missing any "pleas for help" from friends or acquaintances, but other than that, I really don't miss much at all about it.
I DO spend a lot of time on FB during the days, but right now I am definitely thinking it is a MAJOR WASTE OF MY TIME. Perhaps I will do something about that, too, after 12 days.
3. No sweets. There are times I have craved them massively, but since I am drinking sugar free drinks--including soda and coffee, I think, overall, I haven't had any major withdrawals. So, I'm wondering, then, if this means that I am doing enough in this department? At this point, am I engaging in a fast (sacrifice) or just dieting? I'm not sure, really.
4. Time with God. Honestly, since picking up exercise--three or four weeks prior to the fast--that has been my most pleasurable time away with God, my thoughts, and His thoughts. I think very clearly when I run the track or work out alone. I love it and I look forward to it. But, since the fast, have I added any time to my contemplation about God, His will, etc.? I think the answer is still no.
I am in the middle of an interim class AND working on stuff for church. I have very little more time than I ever did. I'm not sure what to do about this, either. How can I give God more time? Where can I fit it in? I'm just not sure: Sissy needs me, the house is a mess, I have messages and services to put together, I have financial stuff to think about, friends and family thoughts, the next ministry class I have to study for--so so so so MANY thoughts rolling through my head...Tonight, early in the morning, I will be up preparing for a message tomorrow night. But that doesn't count, does it, because I already do that weekly?
5. I think, though I have learned those things listed above, on Day Two, I am still as, and perhaps more so, frustrated than ever. Should I be focusing on what else I can do? What else I can sacrifice? Or finding more time to spend with Him? In prayer, in his Word? (And is it normal or good that I find myself now stressing out about the fast, if I'm doing it right, if I'm not doing enough? Surely being stressed out even more is not the intention here???)
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WORKS is never the key. If I am fasting something/anything, it needs to be for the right reasons. I'm not sure I really spent enough time praying about this fast before it started. I thought I knew what I was going to do (WORKS), but now I think I really haven't thought as much about it, in the WAY I needed to think about it, before now.
10 DAYS TO GO...What will I think tomorrow???
1. I am still most pained by the separation from TV/Cable. Undoubtedly, THIS is the most addictive thing that I have put down for this fast. And, ultimately, I feel it most when I am at home. It is clear to me that I spend far too much time on the TV, but more, that I rely upon it to relax, or de-stress. I turn it on in the morning to help me get my mind going as I get dressed. I turn it on when I get home and eat a snack in front of the TV. I turn it on if I have a naptime, just so I have noise in the background, and the same goes for when I go to bed. It is the way I tune out everything and allow my mind to slow down enough to sleep.
At this point, I'm wondering what God has in mind to teach me about that. How can I change things after the fast? Can/Should I be thinking of ways to reprogram my evenings and mornings and avoid falling into the TV trap? And I hate to say this, but what can take its place?
Also, I realize that the intention of the fast is not to obsess about what I'm missing, but to allow God to speak to me clearly about ANYTHING he wants to speak to me about. So at some point in this fast, I hope I make the adjustment to NO TV so I can allow myself to hear him...beyond what he's teaching me about my TV addiction.
2. Facebook still really isn't a problem. Honestly, there are times throughout the day when I think, "I would have posted that thought or action," but I don't really have a CRAVING to get on Facebook. I do wonder whose birthdays I'm missing, hope I'm not missing any "pleas for help" from friends or acquaintances, but other than that, I really don't miss much at all about it.
I DO spend a lot of time on FB during the days, but right now I am definitely thinking it is a MAJOR WASTE OF MY TIME. Perhaps I will do something about that, too, after 12 days.
3. No sweets. There are times I have craved them massively, but since I am drinking sugar free drinks--including soda and coffee, I think, overall, I haven't had any major withdrawals. So, I'm wondering, then, if this means that I am doing enough in this department? At this point, am I engaging in a fast (sacrifice) or just dieting? I'm not sure, really.
4. Time with God. Honestly, since picking up exercise--three or four weeks prior to the fast--that has been my most pleasurable time away with God, my thoughts, and His thoughts. I think very clearly when I run the track or work out alone. I love it and I look forward to it. But, since the fast, have I added any time to my contemplation about God, His will, etc.? I think the answer is still no.
I am in the middle of an interim class AND working on stuff for church. I have very little more time than I ever did. I'm not sure what to do about this, either. How can I give God more time? Where can I fit it in? I'm just not sure: Sissy needs me, the house is a mess, I have messages and services to put together, I have financial stuff to think about, friends and family thoughts, the next ministry class I have to study for--so so so so MANY thoughts rolling through my head...Tonight, early in the morning, I will be up preparing for a message tomorrow night. But that doesn't count, does it, because I already do that weekly?
5. I think, though I have learned those things listed above, on Day Two, I am still as, and perhaps more so, frustrated than ever. Should I be focusing on what else I can do? What else I can sacrifice? Or finding more time to spend with Him? In prayer, in his Word? (And is it normal or good that I find myself now stressing out about the fast, if I'm doing it right, if I'm not doing enough? Surely being stressed out even more is not the intention here???)
-----------------
WORKS is never the key. If I am fasting something/anything, it needs to be for the right reasons. I'm not sure I really spent enough time praying about this fast before it started. I thought I knew what I was going to do (WORKS), but now I think I really haven't thought as much about it, in the WAY I needed to think about it, before now.
10 DAYS TO GO...What will I think tomorrow???
Monday, January 9, 2012
Thoughts on Day 1 of the Fast
Day One of the fast has nearly drawn to a close. Today, I have successfully avoided sweet foods/desserts, TV/Cable (including movies), and Facebook. Here are my impressions:
1. I thought the hardest thing in this day of the fast would be the challenge of avoiding Facebook. I spend a LOT of time on FB, viewing updates, making my own. Because of this habit I have adopted, I went to the trouble of deleting the FB app on my phone so I wouldn't access the site automatically, without even thinking. Some habit, huh?
Interestingly, though, thus far FB really hasn't been a temptation for me. I haven't really noticed its absence THAT MUCH. There were a couple of times today that I thought about it, would have gone to the site if I had not been fasting, but I suppose, because I'm really busy right now, I didn't think too much about it.
2. I really didn't realize how addicted to TV I've become again. Honestly, I thought it wasn't a big deal. But at the end of Day One of the Fast, I can already tell that THIS is the biggest issue for me to avoid. I spend more time than I realize in front of the TV, just to unwind, mainly, get my mind off of the day. Not that I'm watching anything inappropriate or anything--because I'm not. But I see that I really do spend a LOT of time "unwinding." It's just really easy to do. And that it gets dark by 6 p.m. doesn't help. Makes me want to get under the covers and turn the TV on and zone out, burrow down, hibernate.
3. Though I went to the church to pray tonight, at the designated time set for the church to come together to pray during the fast, I felt once again that my most effective prayer time was at the track. I literally LOVE going to the track to unwind, think about God, His promises, His plan for my life. The track really has become an important part of my life--physically and spiritually. I can see that now.
4. We went to lunch at Pizza Hut today, with my friends from work, and honestly I was a little tentative about it because I LOVE the cinnamon desserts they have there. There have been times that I have loaded up a large plate with them and eaten them all by myself. I have some sort of craving for them when I see them. Today, I wasn't even tempted. I didn't miss any of the desserts on the buffet--though I watched my friends eat theirs. I don't even recall having any sort of craving for them. The sweetest things I've had today include one cup of coffee and a cup of hot chocolate--one for the caffeine I so desperately needed at school; the other, right now as I type this, because I have acquired a chill that will not go away. I know it will warm me.
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Because I'm still adjusting to the fast, I have not felt one of those moments where I have "connected with God" more than usual today...But the night isn't over. I'm going to get off of here and get in some studying before I go to bed tonight. I still need to work on the topic for Wednesday night. I suppose my fifth thought is emerging as I write this:
5. I'm still so very busy in my schedule that I haven't been able to go "above and beyond" in my attempt to connect with God. I've STILL got a lot on my mind--so many things I must do, pay, learn, study--it's hard to just really shut it all off and "get away with God" when there is so much going on in the back of my mind. It's just hard for me right now. So, I suppose one thing that will now make my prayer list: DE-CLUTTERING my mind, my days, a bit more--so I can properly take the time to be with God, my thoughts, His thoughts.
END OF DAY ONE THOUGHTS
1. I thought the hardest thing in this day of the fast would be the challenge of avoiding Facebook. I spend a LOT of time on FB, viewing updates, making my own. Because of this habit I have adopted, I went to the trouble of deleting the FB app on my phone so I wouldn't access the site automatically, without even thinking. Some habit, huh?
Interestingly, though, thus far FB really hasn't been a temptation for me. I haven't really noticed its absence THAT MUCH. There were a couple of times today that I thought about it, would have gone to the site if I had not been fasting, but I suppose, because I'm really busy right now, I didn't think too much about it.
2. I really didn't realize how addicted to TV I've become again. Honestly, I thought it wasn't a big deal. But at the end of Day One of the Fast, I can already tell that THIS is the biggest issue for me to avoid. I spend more time than I realize in front of the TV, just to unwind, mainly, get my mind off of the day. Not that I'm watching anything inappropriate or anything--because I'm not. But I see that I really do spend a LOT of time "unwinding." It's just really easy to do. And that it gets dark by 6 p.m. doesn't help. Makes me want to get under the covers and turn the TV on and zone out, burrow down, hibernate.
3. Though I went to the church to pray tonight, at the designated time set for the church to come together to pray during the fast, I felt once again that my most effective prayer time was at the track. I literally LOVE going to the track to unwind, think about God, His promises, His plan for my life. The track really has become an important part of my life--physically and spiritually. I can see that now.
4. We went to lunch at Pizza Hut today, with my friends from work, and honestly I was a little tentative about it because I LOVE the cinnamon desserts they have there. There have been times that I have loaded up a large plate with them and eaten them all by myself. I have some sort of craving for them when I see them. Today, I wasn't even tempted. I didn't miss any of the desserts on the buffet--though I watched my friends eat theirs. I don't even recall having any sort of craving for them. The sweetest things I've had today include one cup of coffee and a cup of hot chocolate--one for the caffeine I so desperately needed at school; the other, right now as I type this, because I have acquired a chill that will not go away. I know it will warm me.
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Because I'm still adjusting to the fast, I have not felt one of those moments where I have "connected with God" more than usual today...But the night isn't over. I'm going to get off of here and get in some studying before I go to bed tonight. I still need to work on the topic for Wednesday night. I suppose my fifth thought is emerging as I write this:
5. I'm still so very busy in my schedule that I haven't been able to go "above and beyond" in my attempt to connect with God. I've STILL got a lot on my mind--so many things I must do, pay, learn, study--it's hard to just really shut it all off and "get away with God" when there is so much going on in the back of my mind. It's just hard for me right now. So, I suppose one thing that will now make my prayer list: DE-CLUTTERING my mind, my days, a bit more--so I can properly take the time to be with God, my thoughts, His thoughts.
END OF DAY ONE THOUGHTS
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