Thoughts on Day Three of the Fast

Day three of the fast and here are my thoughts and observations:

1. I am not as "hungry" for the TV, because I already "know" that I can't access it right now--but there is this dull silence in its place, where I think about the 20 or so things I have to do. For instance, right now I am thinking about the 60-question test I have to type from scratch for class tomorrow. It has to be typed, printed out and ready to go by 9 a.m. tomorrow morning. I don't even have time to write this blog, because I should be cleaning the kitchen or working on the test, but Stephen said I could use the computer and I thought I'd force myself to reflect before run out of time and energy.

Honestly, right now, I could probably live without the TV and cable permanently without major withdrawals, but, like I say, it's almost like the "You still need to do ____________ and ________________" stressors are louder than ever. The TV, it seems, helps to at least mute the endless To-Do list scrolling through my head.

So is there a way to cut through that? To just listen to God? Or just hang out with him? Without hearing the To-Do list in my brain? If so, I am honest when I say I would like to know.

2. At the coffee shop today for lunch, I accidentally bought and ate two chocolate covered coffee beans before I realized they were "sweets" and I couldn't have them. So I gave the rest away to a friend. But then, when I got home, Psalm opened the popcorn container while I was working on the message and I grabbed a handful of caramel popcorn--on purpose--because it tasted better than the stale regular popcorn, and I ate it because I was so stressed out.

Then, when I ate as much as I could stomach, I put it away, thinking how I just blew my fast with a few handfuls of caramel popcorn.

I hate when I fail, especially when this should have been easy, a no-brainer.

3. Day three of no Facebook, and I REALLY could not care less.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

My worry again, today, is that, it seems to me, I still can't hear God any more than usual because there are SO MANY THINGS going through my brain...Am I supposed to be doing something more than I am? If so, what? As I said in service tonight, I wonder if I could even hear him if he tried to talk to me...

Aren't I supposed to be in pain during the fast? Maybe I'll feel that way next week, when I get a chance to start missing meals. Maybe that will help. Aren't I supposed to be hearing something or learning something? I mean, more than usual?