Though I still don't have much time to reflect--I have a service to prepare for tomorrow night and I am drained from the Interim class I am teaching this week--I still wanted to stop and write my thoughts on this, the second day of the fast.
1. I am still most pained by the separation from TV/Cable. Undoubtedly, THIS is the most addictive thing that I have put down for this fast. And, ultimately, I feel it most when I am at home. It is clear to me that I spend far too much time on the TV, but more, that I rely upon it to relax, or de-stress. I turn it on in the morning to help me get my mind going as I get dressed. I turn it on when I get home and eat a snack in front of the TV. I turn it on if I have a naptime, just so I have noise in the background, and the same goes for when I go to bed. It is the way I tune out everything and allow my mind to slow down enough to sleep.
At this point, I'm wondering what God has in mind to teach me about that. How can I change things after the fast? Can/Should I be thinking of ways to reprogram my evenings and mornings and avoid falling into the TV trap? And I hate to say this, but what can take its place?
Also, I realize that the intention of the fast is not to obsess about what I'm missing, but to allow God to speak to me clearly about ANYTHING he wants to speak to me about. So at some point in this fast, I hope I make the adjustment to NO TV so I can allow myself to hear him...beyond what he's teaching me about my TV addiction.
2. Facebook still really isn't a problem. Honestly, there are times throughout the day when I think, "I would have posted that thought or action," but I don't really have a CRAVING to get on Facebook. I do wonder whose birthdays I'm missing, hope I'm not missing any "pleas for help" from friends or acquaintances, but other than that, I really don't miss much at all about it.
I DO spend a lot of time on FB during the days, but right now I am definitely thinking it is a MAJOR WASTE OF MY TIME. Perhaps I will do something about that, too, after 12 days.
3. No sweets. There are times I have craved them massively, but since I am drinking sugar free drinks--including soda and coffee, I think, overall, I haven't had any major withdrawals. So, I'm wondering, then, if this means that I am doing enough in this department? At this point, am I engaging in a fast (sacrifice) or just dieting? I'm not sure, really.
4. Time with God. Honestly, since picking up exercise--three or four weeks prior to the fast--that has been my most pleasurable time away with God, my thoughts, and His thoughts. I think very clearly when I run the track or work out alone. I love it and I look forward to it. But, since the fast, have I added any time to my contemplation about God, His will, etc.? I think the answer is still no.
I am in the middle of an interim class AND working on stuff for church. I have very little more time than I ever did. I'm not sure what to do about this, either. How can I give God more time? Where can I fit it in? I'm just not sure: Sissy needs me, the house is a mess, I have messages and services to put together, I have financial stuff to think about, friends and family thoughts, the next ministry class I have to study for--so so so so MANY thoughts rolling through my head...Tonight, early in the morning, I will be up preparing for a message tomorrow night. But that doesn't count, does it, because I already do that weekly?
5. I think, though I have learned those things listed above, on Day Two, I am still as, and perhaps more so, frustrated than ever. Should I be focusing on what else I can do? What else I can sacrifice? Or finding more time to spend with Him? In prayer, in his Word? (And is it normal or good that I find myself now stressing out about the fast, if I'm doing it right, if I'm not doing enough? Surely being stressed out even more is not the intention here???)
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WORKS is never the key. If I am fasting something/anything, it needs to be for the right reasons. I'm not sure I really spent enough time praying about this fast before it started. I thought I knew what I was going to do (WORKS), but now I think I really haven't thought as much about it, in the WAY I needed to think about it, before now.
10 DAYS TO GO...What will I think tomorrow???
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