One morning, during my devotion time, I had the passing of my grandparents on my mind. Poppa passed in December of 2017 and Gran passed in January of 2018.
We had been so fortunate to have had them for so long--part of me is grateful, so grateful!--but because I had them for so long, they are part of me, my core person, and their loss is not something I'm dealing with well.
Underneath the surface, deep waters stir within me, making variant sized waves, sometimes making me ill, sometimes forcing me to entertain sweet memories of everything that made them them to me.
Most days, I am successful in pushing back the emotion, restraining the tears (none of which will change anything), but there are days where they spill out--onto my face, or onto my pages.
I miss them sorely. I miss everything about them. They were, in many ways, like parents to me. They are part of who I am. It is difficult, so difficult, some days, to come to terms with their passing, the loss, my ineffable sadness.
But I take comfort in the page. All my life, with ink and paper, in this moment with keyboard and screen. I pour out my heart on a page...pour it out, then push all else below, back where the deep waters stir...
Until the next time, they overflow again, onto page or screen...
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