Well, today is Day 4 of the Fast.
My observations about WHAT I'm fasting haven't changed much at all, so today I'm going to focus on some of the breakthrough moments I had:
1. While my students were taking their test this morning, I got to do some MAJOR devotions...I started reading the Evangel from last week and got "sucked in" to the articles and editorials that were published in that edition. I felt like they were directly speaking to me.
One thing I learned was I got direction and insight for the next (or at least upcoming) message series I need to do, including an idea for the congregation to participate in one of the lessons.
I was also challenged to think about what God wants me to think about only. He kind of reminded me of a comment I had made last Wednesday night in my message...When I talked about the "Spiritual Buffet," how we get into this habit of "sampling" all of these spiritual things available to us in our culture on this massive spiritual buffet. But the Lord told me that we can get too bogged down, even by trying to sample every godly thing that comes down the pike. I felt like my lesson today was that I needed to rely on him to instruct me on what to read, what to investigate--and if he wants me to investigate something, then there is a reason for it. And I need to really chew on it--because what he tells me to concentrate on is not a sampling from the salad bar...it's meat and potatoes and green beans.
2. I got the chance to go to the track this afternoon while my students were in their designated Library Time. During the track time, it was amazing time with God. I listened to the Third Day Offerings cd and walked and jogged and walked and jogged. I ended up jogging TWO FULL LAPS and going a total of 10 laps. It was freezing out there, and I experienced some asthma problems, but I really felt him speaking to me.
At one point, he showed me the track laps. That we all are on one lane of the track or the other and we only get so many walks around before we've gone as far as we can go and we quit for the day. Some people can walk one lap before they stop; others two, three, seven...and so on. Each lap is precious. We don't know when we have rounded our last corner, when our time is up, when we face Him and we are accountable for every lap we made, every step, every decision. We must keep this ever in mind.
Another observation: He made me realize how much better I do when I'm listening to music when I walk. It seems like music gives me a spring in my step, even when I am tired or unable to muster the "spring" even if I tried! But with music, the laps go by quickly, happily, and I find myself rounding corners, looking forward to the next song!!! He reminded me of what it was like to walk the track without music--I used to do this back in my single college days, for security and safety reasons. But it was really hard, then, without music, to keep the energy level up, let alone a spring in my step. And today, after that reminder, he showed me that that is what people are like: with music, with God, life is much easier, it tends to fly by, we tend to look forward to what is around the corner. Without music, without God, it is a struggle, so much so that you find there's not much to look forward to, so you keep thinking when it's time to give up, sit down, walk away. I suppose this could, in addition to applying to our lives on this earth, also relate and be relevant to anything that matters to us--like relationships, for example.
3. Another great thing that happened today was that I got to go to church and pray through the stations set up there. They had specific stations set up throughout the sanctuary and youth/children's church room so you could stop and pray for whatever the station was about. I really enjoyed it. It helped to focus the prayers, AND it helped me to do some self-assessments on certain subjects that I've needed to do a little self-assessment on. I didn't know what to expect going in, I must admit, but I really enjoyed it once I got there and went through it. Stephen said I prayed there for about an hour--which, to me, it felt like 30 minutes. What God did? Just how it was set up, I felt like I really "got through" on some of the prayer station topics--like healing, for instance. I felt myself praying, connecting, to many faces: family and church family and friends and co-workers alike. I prayed for needs that I knew of in their lives, and I felt like I had a CRYSTAL CLEAR connection for once. And as I prayed, I never said a word out loud, methinks, at least an English word. Yet I felt like my thoughts were going up right before His throne. Praise God.
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I have been able to "feel" more connected today...It has been such a wonderful day, a day I've hoped for, longed for, for quite a few days...
Looking forward to what God has for Day 4 of the fast---and this weekend!!! :)
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Thoughts on Day Three of the Fast
Day three of the fast and here are my thoughts and observations:
1. I am not as "hungry" for the TV, because I already "know" that I can't access it right now--but there is this dull silence in its place, where I think about the 20 or so things I have to do. For instance, right now I am thinking about the 60-question test I have to type from scratch for class tomorrow. It has to be typed, printed out and ready to go by 9 a.m. tomorrow morning. I don't even have time to write this blog, because I should be cleaning the kitchen or working on the test, but Stephen said I could use the computer and I thought I'd force myself to reflect before run out of time and energy.
Honestly, right now, I could probably live without the TV and cable permanently without major withdrawals, but, like I say, it's almost like the "You still need to do ____________ and ________________" stressors are louder than ever. The TV, it seems, helps to at least mute the endless To-Do list scrolling through my head.
So is there a way to cut through that? To just listen to God? Or just hang out with him? Without hearing the To-Do list in my brain? If so, I am honest when I say I would like to know.
2. At the coffee shop today for lunch, I accidentally bought and ate two chocolate covered coffee beans before I realized they were "sweets" and I couldn't have them. So I gave the rest away to a friend. But then, when I got home, Psalm opened the popcorn container while I was working on the message and I grabbed a handful of caramel popcorn--on purpose--because it tasted better than the stale regular popcorn, and I ate it because I was so stressed out.
Then, when I ate as much as I could stomach, I put it away, thinking how I just blew my fast with a few handfuls of caramel popcorn.
I hate when I fail, especially when this should have been easy, a no-brainer.
3. Day three of no Facebook, and I REALLY could not care less.
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My worry again, today, is that, it seems to me, I still can't hear God any more than usual because there are SO MANY THINGS going through my brain...Am I supposed to be doing something more than I am? If so, what? As I said in service tonight, I wonder if I could even hear him if he tried to talk to me...
Aren't I supposed to be in pain during the fast? Maybe I'll feel that way next week, when I get a chance to start missing meals. Maybe that will help. Aren't I supposed to be hearing something or learning something? I mean, more than usual?
1. I am not as "hungry" for the TV, because I already "know" that I can't access it right now--but there is this dull silence in its place, where I think about the 20 or so things I have to do. For instance, right now I am thinking about the 60-question test I have to type from scratch for class tomorrow. It has to be typed, printed out and ready to go by 9 a.m. tomorrow morning. I don't even have time to write this blog, because I should be cleaning the kitchen or working on the test, but Stephen said I could use the computer and I thought I'd force myself to reflect before run out of time and energy.
Honestly, right now, I could probably live without the TV and cable permanently without major withdrawals, but, like I say, it's almost like the "You still need to do ____________ and ________________" stressors are louder than ever. The TV, it seems, helps to at least mute the endless To-Do list scrolling through my head.
So is there a way to cut through that? To just listen to God? Or just hang out with him? Without hearing the To-Do list in my brain? If so, I am honest when I say I would like to know.
2. At the coffee shop today for lunch, I accidentally bought and ate two chocolate covered coffee beans before I realized they were "sweets" and I couldn't have them. So I gave the rest away to a friend. But then, when I got home, Psalm opened the popcorn container while I was working on the message and I grabbed a handful of caramel popcorn--on purpose--because it tasted better than the stale regular popcorn, and I ate it because I was so stressed out.
Then, when I ate as much as I could stomach, I put it away, thinking how I just blew my fast with a few handfuls of caramel popcorn.
I hate when I fail, especially when this should have been easy, a no-brainer.
3. Day three of no Facebook, and I REALLY could not care less.
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My worry again, today, is that, it seems to me, I still can't hear God any more than usual because there are SO MANY THINGS going through my brain...Am I supposed to be doing something more than I am? If so, what? As I said in service tonight, I wonder if I could even hear him if he tried to talk to me...
Aren't I supposed to be in pain during the fast? Maybe I'll feel that way next week, when I get a chance to start missing meals. Maybe that will help. Aren't I supposed to be hearing something or learning something? I mean, more than usual?
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Thoughts on Day Two of the Fast
Though I still don't have much time to reflect--I have a service to prepare for tomorrow night and I am drained from the Interim class I am teaching this week--I still wanted to stop and write my thoughts on this, the second day of the fast.
1. I am still most pained by the separation from TV/Cable. Undoubtedly, THIS is the most addictive thing that I have put down for this fast. And, ultimately, I feel it most when I am at home. It is clear to me that I spend far too much time on the TV, but more, that I rely upon it to relax, or de-stress. I turn it on in the morning to help me get my mind going as I get dressed. I turn it on when I get home and eat a snack in front of the TV. I turn it on if I have a naptime, just so I have noise in the background, and the same goes for when I go to bed. It is the way I tune out everything and allow my mind to slow down enough to sleep.
At this point, I'm wondering what God has in mind to teach me about that. How can I change things after the fast? Can/Should I be thinking of ways to reprogram my evenings and mornings and avoid falling into the TV trap? And I hate to say this, but what can take its place?
Also, I realize that the intention of the fast is not to obsess about what I'm missing, but to allow God to speak to me clearly about ANYTHING he wants to speak to me about. So at some point in this fast, I hope I make the adjustment to NO TV so I can allow myself to hear him...beyond what he's teaching me about my TV addiction.
2. Facebook still really isn't a problem. Honestly, there are times throughout the day when I think, "I would have posted that thought or action," but I don't really have a CRAVING to get on Facebook. I do wonder whose birthdays I'm missing, hope I'm not missing any "pleas for help" from friends or acquaintances, but other than that, I really don't miss much at all about it.
I DO spend a lot of time on FB during the days, but right now I am definitely thinking it is a MAJOR WASTE OF MY TIME. Perhaps I will do something about that, too, after 12 days.
3. No sweets. There are times I have craved them massively, but since I am drinking sugar free drinks--including soda and coffee, I think, overall, I haven't had any major withdrawals. So, I'm wondering, then, if this means that I am doing enough in this department? At this point, am I engaging in a fast (sacrifice) or just dieting? I'm not sure, really.
4. Time with God. Honestly, since picking up exercise--three or four weeks prior to the fast--that has been my most pleasurable time away with God, my thoughts, and His thoughts. I think very clearly when I run the track or work out alone. I love it and I look forward to it. But, since the fast, have I added any time to my contemplation about God, His will, etc.? I think the answer is still no.
I am in the middle of an interim class AND working on stuff for church. I have very little more time than I ever did. I'm not sure what to do about this, either. How can I give God more time? Where can I fit it in? I'm just not sure: Sissy needs me, the house is a mess, I have messages and services to put together, I have financial stuff to think about, friends and family thoughts, the next ministry class I have to study for--so so so so MANY thoughts rolling through my head...Tonight, early in the morning, I will be up preparing for a message tomorrow night. But that doesn't count, does it, because I already do that weekly?
5. I think, though I have learned those things listed above, on Day Two, I am still as, and perhaps more so, frustrated than ever. Should I be focusing on what else I can do? What else I can sacrifice? Or finding more time to spend with Him? In prayer, in his Word? (And is it normal or good that I find myself now stressing out about the fast, if I'm doing it right, if I'm not doing enough? Surely being stressed out even more is not the intention here???)
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WORKS is never the key. If I am fasting something/anything, it needs to be for the right reasons. I'm not sure I really spent enough time praying about this fast before it started. I thought I knew what I was going to do (WORKS), but now I think I really haven't thought as much about it, in the WAY I needed to think about it, before now.
10 DAYS TO GO...What will I think tomorrow???
1. I am still most pained by the separation from TV/Cable. Undoubtedly, THIS is the most addictive thing that I have put down for this fast. And, ultimately, I feel it most when I am at home. It is clear to me that I spend far too much time on the TV, but more, that I rely upon it to relax, or de-stress. I turn it on in the morning to help me get my mind going as I get dressed. I turn it on when I get home and eat a snack in front of the TV. I turn it on if I have a naptime, just so I have noise in the background, and the same goes for when I go to bed. It is the way I tune out everything and allow my mind to slow down enough to sleep.
At this point, I'm wondering what God has in mind to teach me about that. How can I change things after the fast? Can/Should I be thinking of ways to reprogram my evenings and mornings and avoid falling into the TV trap? And I hate to say this, but what can take its place?
Also, I realize that the intention of the fast is not to obsess about what I'm missing, but to allow God to speak to me clearly about ANYTHING he wants to speak to me about. So at some point in this fast, I hope I make the adjustment to NO TV so I can allow myself to hear him...beyond what he's teaching me about my TV addiction.
2. Facebook still really isn't a problem. Honestly, there are times throughout the day when I think, "I would have posted that thought or action," but I don't really have a CRAVING to get on Facebook. I do wonder whose birthdays I'm missing, hope I'm not missing any "pleas for help" from friends or acquaintances, but other than that, I really don't miss much at all about it.
I DO spend a lot of time on FB during the days, but right now I am definitely thinking it is a MAJOR WASTE OF MY TIME. Perhaps I will do something about that, too, after 12 days.
3. No sweets. There are times I have craved them massively, but since I am drinking sugar free drinks--including soda and coffee, I think, overall, I haven't had any major withdrawals. So, I'm wondering, then, if this means that I am doing enough in this department? At this point, am I engaging in a fast (sacrifice) or just dieting? I'm not sure, really.
4. Time with God. Honestly, since picking up exercise--three or four weeks prior to the fast--that has been my most pleasurable time away with God, my thoughts, and His thoughts. I think very clearly when I run the track or work out alone. I love it and I look forward to it. But, since the fast, have I added any time to my contemplation about God, His will, etc.? I think the answer is still no.
I am in the middle of an interim class AND working on stuff for church. I have very little more time than I ever did. I'm not sure what to do about this, either. How can I give God more time? Where can I fit it in? I'm just not sure: Sissy needs me, the house is a mess, I have messages and services to put together, I have financial stuff to think about, friends and family thoughts, the next ministry class I have to study for--so so so so MANY thoughts rolling through my head...Tonight, early in the morning, I will be up preparing for a message tomorrow night. But that doesn't count, does it, because I already do that weekly?
5. I think, though I have learned those things listed above, on Day Two, I am still as, and perhaps more so, frustrated than ever. Should I be focusing on what else I can do? What else I can sacrifice? Or finding more time to spend with Him? In prayer, in his Word? (And is it normal or good that I find myself now stressing out about the fast, if I'm doing it right, if I'm not doing enough? Surely being stressed out even more is not the intention here???)
-----------------
WORKS is never the key. If I am fasting something/anything, it needs to be for the right reasons. I'm not sure I really spent enough time praying about this fast before it started. I thought I knew what I was going to do (WORKS), but now I think I really haven't thought as much about it, in the WAY I needed to think about it, before now.
10 DAYS TO GO...What will I think tomorrow???
Monday, January 9, 2012
Thoughts on Day 1 of the Fast
Day One of the fast has nearly drawn to a close. Today, I have successfully avoided sweet foods/desserts, TV/Cable (including movies), and Facebook. Here are my impressions:
1. I thought the hardest thing in this day of the fast would be the challenge of avoiding Facebook. I spend a LOT of time on FB, viewing updates, making my own. Because of this habit I have adopted, I went to the trouble of deleting the FB app on my phone so I wouldn't access the site automatically, without even thinking. Some habit, huh?
Interestingly, though, thus far FB really hasn't been a temptation for me. I haven't really noticed its absence THAT MUCH. There were a couple of times today that I thought about it, would have gone to the site if I had not been fasting, but I suppose, because I'm really busy right now, I didn't think too much about it.
2. I really didn't realize how addicted to TV I've become again. Honestly, I thought it wasn't a big deal. But at the end of Day One of the Fast, I can already tell that THIS is the biggest issue for me to avoid. I spend more time than I realize in front of the TV, just to unwind, mainly, get my mind off of the day. Not that I'm watching anything inappropriate or anything--because I'm not. But I see that I really do spend a LOT of time "unwinding." It's just really easy to do. And that it gets dark by 6 p.m. doesn't help. Makes me want to get under the covers and turn the TV on and zone out, burrow down, hibernate.
3. Though I went to the church to pray tonight, at the designated time set for the church to come together to pray during the fast, I felt once again that my most effective prayer time was at the track. I literally LOVE going to the track to unwind, think about God, His promises, His plan for my life. The track really has become an important part of my life--physically and spiritually. I can see that now.
4. We went to lunch at Pizza Hut today, with my friends from work, and honestly I was a little tentative about it because I LOVE the cinnamon desserts they have there. There have been times that I have loaded up a large plate with them and eaten them all by myself. I have some sort of craving for them when I see them. Today, I wasn't even tempted. I didn't miss any of the desserts on the buffet--though I watched my friends eat theirs. I don't even recall having any sort of craving for them. The sweetest things I've had today include one cup of coffee and a cup of hot chocolate--one for the caffeine I so desperately needed at school; the other, right now as I type this, because I have acquired a chill that will not go away. I know it will warm me.
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Because I'm still adjusting to the fast, I have not felt one of those moments where I have "connected with God" more than usual today...But the night isn't over. I'm going to get off of here and get in some studying before I go to bed tonight. I still need to work on the topic for Wednesday night. I suppose my fifth thought is emerging as I write this:
5. I'm still so very busy in my schedule that I haven't been able to go "above and beyond" in my attempt to connect with God. I've STILL got a lot on my mind--so many things I must do, pay, learn, study--it's hard to just really shut it all off and "get away with God" when there is so much going on in the back of my mind. It's just hard for me right now. So, I suppose one thing that will now make my prayer list: DE-CLUTTERING my mind, my days, a bit more--so I can properly take the time to be with God, my thoughts, His thoughts.
END OF DAY ONE THOUGHTS
1. I thought the hardest thing in this day of the fast would be the challenge of avoiding Facebook. I spend a LOT of time on FB, viewing updates, making my own. Because of this habit I have adopted, I went to the trouble of deleting the FB app on my phone so I wouldn't access the site automatically, without even thinking. Some habit, huh?
Interestingly, though, thus far FB really hasn't been a temptation for me. I haven't really noticed its absence THAT MUCH. There were a couple of times today that I thought about it, would have gone to the site if I had not been fasting, but I suppose, because I'm really busy right now, I didn't think too much about it.
2. I really didn't realize how addicted to TV I've become again. Honestly, I thought it wasn't a big deal. But at the end of Day One of the Fast, I can already tell that THIS is the biggest issue for me to avoid. I spend more time than I realize in front of the TV, just to unwind, mainly, get my mind off of the day. Not that I'm watching anything inappropriate or anything--because I'm not. But I see that I really do spend a LOT of time "unwinding." It's just really easy to do. And that it gets dark by 6 p.m. doesn't help. Makes me want to get under the covers and turn the TV on and zone out, burrow down, hibernate.
3. Though I went to the church to pray tonight, at the designated time set for the church to come together to pray during the fast, I felt once again that my most effective prayer time was at the track. I literally LOVE going to the track to unwind, think about God, His promises, His plan for my life. The track really has become an important part of my life--physically and spiritually. I can see that now.
4. We went to lunch at Pizza Hut today, with my friends from work, and honestly I was a little tentative about it because I LOVE the cinnamon desserts they have there. There have been times that I have loaded up a large plate with them and eaten them all by myself. I have some sort of craving for them when I see them. Today, I wasn't even tempted. I didn't miss any of the desserts on the buffet--though I watched my friends eat theirs. I don't even recall having any sort of craving for them. The sweetest things I've had today include one cup of coffee and a cup of hot chocolate--one for the caffeine I so desperately needed at school; the other, right now as I type this, because I have acquired a chill that will not go away. I know it will warm me.
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Because I'm still adjusting to the fast, I have not felt one of those moments where I have "connected with God" more than usual today...But the night isn't over. I'm going to get off of here and get in some studying before I go to bed tonight. I still need to work on the topic for Wednesday night. I suppose my fifth thought is emerging as I write this:
5. I'm still so very busy in my schedule that I haven't been able to go "above and beyond" in my attempt to connect with God. I've STILL got a lot on my mind--so many things I must do, pay, learn, study--it's hard to just really shut it all off and "get away with God" when there is so much going on in the back of my mind. It's just hard for me right now. So, I suppose one thing that will now make my prayer list: DE-CLUTTERING my mind, my days, a bit more--so I can properly take the time to be with God, my thoughts, His thoughts.
END OF DAY ONE THOUGHTS
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Things are Different
Years ago, I'd never imagined
How quickly things can alter;
An entire way of life change,
Morphed into something other.
I look back in memory,
See faces, hear laughter,
Think about the All I'd done
The It I was then...
Things are different.
Things change.
Today, I hear the giggles
Of my three year old daughter,
And hear the soft snoring
Of my sleepy husband.
I remember praying for them,
Never giving up hope that
Someone like me would find them:
Husband and Child.
Things are different.
Things change.
I praise my Heavenly Father,
Maker of Heaven and Earth,
Who heard my prayers and heart
And knew the new I needed:
Yes, things are different
Because He allowed them to be;
Things have changed because
He answered my heart's prayer.
How quickly things can alter;
An entire way of life change,
Morphed into something other.
I look back in memory,
See faces, hear laughter,
Think about the All I'd done
The It I was then...
Things are different.
Things change.
Today, I hear the giggles
Of my three year old daughter,
And hear the soft snoring
Of my sleepy husband.
I remember praying for them,
Never giving up hope that
Someone like me would find them:
Husband and Child.
Things are different.
Things change.
I praise my Heavenly Father,
Maker of Heaven and Earth,
Who heard my prayers and heart
And knew the new I needed:
Yes, things are different
Because He allowed them to be;
Things have changed because
He answered my heart's prayer.
Friday, December 30, 2011
Leaving the Graveyard
"You can’t spend your life in the graveyard of guilt dealing with the corpses of the past. Know when things are dead, know when to release them and bury them. If you continue to work with the dry bones of dead issues, you too will begin to decay. No amount of work will resuscitate a corpse. Sign the death certificate and bury the past." --T.D. Jakes Ministries for FB, 12-30-11
Thursday, December 29, 2011
The Gift
"The gift, talent or ability God gave you is your key to success. God did not give it to you to be put on display behind a glass showcase. He did not give it to you to waste. Nor did He give it to you for you to hide and deny it out of a false sense of religious humility. God gave you a gift to be poured out, used and invested." --T.D. Jakes Ministries, for FB, Reposted 12-29-11
This quote inspires me to really THINK. What IS my gift, talent, or ability? And how is this gift key to my success? Have I been guilty of putting gifts on a shelf, or hiding them behind a glass showcase, just to occasionally get out and wonder at? Have I wasted my gifts--and, as I probably have, to what degree? Have I been guilty of hiding or denying gifts because of religious reasons. How can I better identify my God-given gifts, better use them and invest them to serve him and accomplish my destiny?
(This is a great thought to ponder as we conclude a year and embark upon another. I pray that I can be found GUILTY of using what God has given me to bless others, enhance the church on earth, and GIVE HIM PRAISE!!!)
This quote inspires me to really THINK. What IS my gift, talent, or ability? And how is this gift key to my success? Have I been guilty of putting gifts on a shelf, or hiding them behind a glass showcase, just to occasionally get out and wonder at? Have I wasted my gifts--and, as I probably have, to what degree? Have I been guilty of hiding or denying gifts because of religious reasons. How can I better identify my God-given gifts, better use them and invest them to serve him and accomplish my destiny?
(This is a great thought to ponder as we conclude a year and embark upon another. I pray that I can be found GUILTY of using what God has given me to bless others, enhance the church on earth, and GIVE HIM PRAISE!!!)
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