Years ago, I'd never imagined
How quickly things can alter;
An entire way of life change,
Morphed into something other.
I look back in memory,
See faces, hear laughter,
Think about the All I'd done
The It I was then...
Things are different.
Things change.
Today, I hear the giggles
Of my three year old daughter,
And hear the soft snoring
Of my sleepy husband.
I remember praying for them,
Never giving up hope that
Someone like me would find them:
Husband and Child.
Things are different.
Things change.
I praise my Heavenly Father,
Maker of Heaven and Earth,
Who heard my prayers and heart
And knew the new I needed:
Yes, things are different
Because He allowed them to be;
Things have changed because
He answered my heart's prayer.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Friday, December 30, 2011
Leaving the Graveyard
"You can’t spend your life in the graveyard of guilt dealing with the corpses of the past. Know when things are dead, know when to release them and bury them. If you continue to work with the dry bones of dead issues, you too will begin to decay. No amount of work will resuscitate a corpse. Sign the death certificate and bury the past." --T.D. Jakes Ministries for FB, 12-30-11
Thursday, December 29, 2011
The Gift
"The gift, talent or ability God gave you is your key to success. God did not give it to you to be put on display behind a glass showcase. He did not give it to you to waste. Nor did He give it to you for you to hide and deny it out of a false sense of religious humility. God gave you a gift to be poured out, used and invested." --T.D. Jakes Ministries, for FB, Reposted 12-29-11
This quote inspires me to really THINK. What IS my gift, talent, or ability? And how is this gift key to my success? Have I been guilty of putting gifts on a shelf, or hiding them behind a glass showcase, just to occasionally get out and wonder at? Have I wasted my gifts--and, as I probably have, to what degree? Have I been guilty of hiding or denying gifts because of religious reasons. How can I better identify my God-given gifts, better use them and invest them to serve him and accomplish my destiny?
(This is a great thought to ponder as we conclude a year and embark upon another. I pray that I can be found GUILTY of using what God has given me to bless others, enhance the church on earth, and GIVE HIM PRAISE!!!)
This quote inspires me to really THINK. What IS my gift, talent, or ability? And how is this gift key to my success? Have I been guilty of putting gifts on a shelf, or hiding them behind a glass showcase, just to occasionally get out and wonder at? Have I wasted my gifts--and, as I probably have, to what degree? Have I been guilty of hiding or denying gifts because of religious reasons. How can I better identify my God-given gifts, better use them and invest them to serve him and accomplish my destiny?
(This is a great thought to ponder as we conclude a year and embark upon another. I pray that I can be found GUILTY of using what God has given me to bless others, enhance the church on earth, and GIVE HIM PRAISE!!!)
Thursday, November 24, 2011
You Know
You know who you are.
I'm talking to you.
Not out loud,
Lest they think I've lost it.
You know what I'm fearful to say,
What I've been feeling for days.
I need you to speak to me,
To help me figure this out.
I need you to pass this along
To the one who needs to hear it--
And as vague as this sounds,
You know exactly what I'm talking about.
I'm in a state of crisis,
I need to hear clearly from above.
This is not a joke,
This is a heart's cry for direction.
There is no one else I care to hear from--
I need to hear from YOU.
Take this simple poem
As a not-so-simple cry for help.
I could really make a mistake here,
If I do this on my own.
I could really devastate my family,
The generations to come.
Speak to me, this night--
As clearly as you ever have before.
Because I'm not sure how much longer
I can keep this up without you.
I'm talking to you.
Not out loud,
Lest they think I've lost it.
You know what I'm fearful to say,
What I've been feeling for days.
I need you to speak to me,
To help me figure this out.
I need you to pass this along
To the one who needs to hear it--
And as vague as this sounds,
You know exactly what I'm talking about.
I'm in a state of crisis,
I need to hear clearly from above.
This is not a joke,
This is a heart's cry for direction.
There is no one else I care to hear from--
I need to hear from YOU.
Take this simple poem
As a not-so-simple cry for help.
I could really make a mistake here,
If I do this on my own.
I could really devastate my family,
The generations to come.
Speak to me, this night--
As clearly as you ever have before.
Because I'm not sure how much longer
I can keep this up without you.
Hear That
Hear that?
(I am screaming inside)
No, of course not.
You see my smile and hear my laughter;
I have mastered the art of disguise.
Hear that?
(My stomach is rumbling)
There is a great vacuity within
That the contents of my refrigerator
Cannot even remotely satisfy.
Hear that?
(My scuffling feet)
I fight a constant battle
To keep moving forward--
I feel the need to just stand still.
Hear that?
(I clap my hands)
In an attempt to mask the silence,
In an attempt to change your focus
From the sadness in my eyes.
Hear that?
(A teardrop falls on the keyboard)
It's me publishing songs of desperation
To a non-existent audience...
I am alone in this.
Hear that.
(I am screaming inside)
No, of course not.
You see my smile and hear my laughter;
I have mastered the art of disguise.
Hear that?
(My stomach is rumbling)
There is a great vacuity within
That the contents of my refrigerator
Cannot even remotely satisfy.
Hear that?
(My scuffling feet)
I fight a constant battle
To keep moving forward--
I feel the need to just stand still.
Hear that?
(I clap my hands)
In an attempt to mask the silence,
In an attempt to change your focus
From the sadness in my eyes.
Hear that?
(A teardrop falls on the keyboard)
It's me publishing songs of desperation
To a non-existent audience...
I am alone in this.
Hear that.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Thankful
Things are not perfect.
There is a massive bank deficit
And a never-ending line of creditors at my door--
But I am blessed.
I have an "exceedingly abundant" life--
Though like many, I struggle to find my way,
Question the path I'm trodding,
Wondering if it's all for naught...
I believe in being Thankful--
For God, His son, my Savior,
My family, friends and many memories:
And for the hope of all that is to come.
Yes, I am grateful,
Not because I have it all--
Because I don't--But for that
Peace that passeth all understanding.
There is a massive bank deficit
And a never-ending line of creditors at my door--
But I am blessed.
I have an "exceedingly abundant" life--
Though like many, I struggle to find my way,
Question the path I'm trodding,
Wondering if it's all for naught...
I believe in being Thankful--
For God, His son, my Savior,
My family, friends and many memories:
And for the hope of all that is to come.
Yes, I am grateful,
Not because I have it all--
Because I don't--But for that
Peace that passeth all understanding.
Monday, November 21, 2011
A Modern Parable (for Christmas)
A man walking downtown on a rainy afternoon in mid-December gets approached by two burly men in insulated coats and Timberlands.
"Give me your wallet," one says.
The man quickly deliberates. He knows that his wallet contains just over $900. He'd taken his Christmas savings out while the wife and kids were at a school play rehearsal this afternoon. He'd intended on spending it on their Christmas.
"Your wallet," the other says, nudging him, lifting his coat so the Colt 45 is visible at the waistline.
It was all he had left. He pictured the faces of his kids on Christmas morning. His wife...he could imagine her eyes, distant, saddened.
"No," he says, pulling himself to his full height.
The men grab his arms and forcibly lead him into a nearby alley. They steal his money, his coat, and take turns beating and kicking him for resisting. When he can move no longer, they leave him there.
The man is unconscious for an indeterminate amount of time, but when he awakes, he musters every bit of energy to inch closer to the entrance of the alley. After several minutes of struggling, he heaves himself finally to where he knows at least the crown of his head might be visible from the street.
Bless him, he had no idea how he looked--just like any other bum, fallen victim to time and place, struggling to survive.
That same afternoon, at precisely such a time, a minister from a prominent local church was walking downtown, preoccupied with thoughts of the Christmas cantata that weekend. "Should we offer tea after? Or not?" he thought as he walked.
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw what he thought must have been the bloodied crown of a person's head, just at the entrance to the alley closest to him.
He had heard about these types of manipulations.
Without missing a beat, he quickly looked behind him and turned and headed across the street.
"God help us all," he prayed a bit too loudly, picking up his pace.
The man left for dead in the alley had no knowledge of this missed opportunity for rescue. He slipped in and out of consciousness. He thought he heard something scurrying behind him. "God, help me," he breathed, and slipped into the darkness again.
At just that time, a student from the local university walked downtown, occasionally glancing in illuminated store windows, completely lost in thought. "Biology test tomorrow. Research paper Thursday....When are we going to volunteer at the Salvation Army?" He couldn't remember.
"What is that?" he stopped, noticing what looked to be the head of a person, a man?, lying face down on the pavement at the entrance to the alley closest to him. "Dear God!" he breathed, not moving an inch, waiting to see if the figure moved.
It didn't.
"What the--?" he said, unsure of what to do. His mind raced. "What if this man has been killed?" he thought. "What if they think I had something to do with it?" And as he contemplated to what degree this could disrupt his already busy schedule and workload, he found himself jogging to the other side of the street and backtracking to his car.
"God, please help me," the broken man said as he awoke in the alley. He felt a searing pain in his head, tasted the drying blood in his mouth. He could feel an all-over ache from the wounds that had been inflicted. "I can't move my arms...or legs," he thought.
He wasn't an idiot. He didn't have much time.
Just then, a man wearing a name tag with "Harold III" imprinted on it left the sandwich shop downtown where he worked weekdays. He nearly got run over by a young college student who was sprinting up the street, looking over his shoulder as if someone were following him.
Harold III stood outside the shop and watched the young man run up the street and then turn into a parking garage. No one seemed to be following the kid. Maybe he'd outrun trouble.
It was starting to get cold. Harold III fumbled for the gloves he knew were shoved down into his coat pockets. He pulled out the note from Teresa, instead. The note that told him she was leaving him after eleven years of marriage.
"Merry Freaking Christmas," he said, tossing the note to the side, heading down the street, still angrily grabbing for gloves.
Harold III was no one special to anyone now. He and Teresa had never had any children, although he'd wanted one--at least one. There had been many fights about that. There had been her son, his step-son, but the young man had moved to California last August to live with his dad and go to college.
Teresa didn't need him anymore now. She'd moved on.
Lost in his thoughts, Harold III walked on, wondering how long he could afford the rent on the trailer and how much money he needed to pack up and move to Colorado. He'd always thought about spending time there.
He had nearly passed the first alley when he reached for a cigarette inside his coat. His eye caught something--alive--in the alley...
Harold III dropped his cigarette and ran over immediately to the man. There was blood everywhere. He knelt down and wiped up some of the blood off of the man's face with his shirt sleeve.
"Pulse...Pulse..." he whispered, running his rough hands over the neck and wrist of the man, wondering if it was any use.
Harold III looked desperately up the street where he had walked. No one was there. "Never anyone when you need someone," he said, matter-of-factly.
He heard the man gasp and moan slightly.
"He's alive!" Harold III stated, rather loudly, and then, without stopping to think of the logistics or legalities, he heaved the man up and threw him over his shoulder.
The half-conscious man expelled what Harold III feared was his last breath.
"Jesus," Harold III said as he stumbled with the weight, cursing under his breath at the load and the blood that had soaked his coat, and headed in the direction of the local hospital.
Only the streetlights illuminated the streets.
It was freezing now, yet Harold III could feel his forehead and armpits perspiring with the effort.
The hospital was three city blocks up. He knew this path. He'd taken it many times before. But it seemed to take forever now. He thought, with every step, about whether he should have just left the man and gone for help.
"Poor sap," Harold III thought.
Harold III could hear the man, gasping, as if he were trying to say something. He didn't want him to worry.
"I'm taking you to the hospital," Harold III said, and he could already see the illuminated blue sign one block away. "To the ER."
He could feel the poor, bloodied man relax, and Harold III was grateful. He could shift his weight now and forge ahead, these last few paces.
When Harold III walked through the automatic doors carrying the bloodied bloke left for dead in the alleyway, the attendants jumped to attention and there was a flurry of motion that caused Harold III to feel dizzy.
He looked at the man, now lying on the gurney, eyes spacey, and said, "Good luck, 'ole boy."
As Harold III walked away from the ER that night, he felt like more than just the weight of the man had been lifted from his shoulders.
"Give me your wallet," one says.
The man quickly deliberates. He knows that his wallet contains just over $900. He'd taken his Christmas savings out while the wife and kids were at a school play rehearsal this afternoon. He'd intended on spending it on their Christmas.
"Your wallet," the other says, nudging him, lifting his coat so the Colt 45 is visible at the waistline.
It was all he had left. He pictured the faces of his kids on Christmas morning. His wife...he could imagine her eyes, distant, saddened.
"No," he says, pulling himself to his full height.
The men grab his arms and forcibly lead him into a nearby alley. They steal his money, his coat, and take turns beating and kicking him for resisting. When he can move no longer, they leave him there.
The man is unconscious for an indeterminate amount of time, but when he awakes, he musters every bit of energy to inch closer to the entrance of the alley. After several minutes of struggling, he heaves himself finally to where he knows at least the crown of his head might be visible from the street.
Bless him, he had no idea how he looked--just like any other bum, fallen victim to time and place, struggling to survive.
That same afternoon, at precisely such a time, a minister from a prominent local church was walking downtown, preoccupied with thoughts of the Christmas cantata that weekend. "Should we offer tea after? Or not?" he thought as he walked.
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw what he thought must have been the bloodied crown of a person's head, just at the entrance to the alley closest to him.
He had heard about these types of manipulations.
Without missing a beat, he quickly looked behind him and turned and headed across the street.
"God help us all," he prayed a bit too loudly, picking up his pace.
The man left for dead in the alley had no knowledge of this missed opportunity for rescue. He slipped in and out of consciousness. He thought he heard something scurrying behind him. "God, help me," he breathed, and slipped into the darkness again.
At just that time, a student from the local university walked downtown, occasionally glancing in illuminated store windows, completely lost in thought. "Biology test tomorrow. Research paper Thursday....When are we going to volunteer at the Salvation Army?" He couldn't remember.
"What is that?" he stopped, noticing what looked to be the head of a person, a man?, lying face down on the pavement at the entrance to the alley closest to him. "Dear God!" he breathed, not moving an inch, waiting to see if the figure moved.
It didn't.
"What the--?" he said, unsure of what to do. His mind raced. "What if this man has been killed?" he thought. "What if they think I had something to do with it?" And as he contemplated to what degree this could disrupt his already busy schedule and workload, he found himself jogging to the other side of the street and backtracking to his car.
"God, please help me," the broken man said as he awoke in the alley. He felt a searing pain in his head, tasted the drying blood in his mouth. He could feel an all-over ache from the wounds that had been inflicted. "I can't move my arms...or legs," he thought.
He wasn't an idiot. He didn't have much time.
Just then, a man wearing a name tag with "Harold III" imprinted on it left the sandwich shop downtown where he worked weekdays. He nearly got run over by a young college student who was sprinting up the street, looking over his shoulder as if someone were following him.
Harold III stood outside the shop and watched the young man run up the street and then turn into a parking garage. No one seemed to be following the kid. Maybe he'd outrun trouble.
It was starting to get cold. Harold III fumbled for the gloves he knew were shoved down into his coat pockets. He pulled out the note from Teresa, instead. The note that told him she was leaving him after eleven years of marriage.
"Merry Freaking Christmas," he said, tossing the note to the side, heading down the street, still angrily grabbing for gloves.
Harold III was no one special to anyone now. He and Teresa had never had any children, although he'd wanted one--at least one. There had been many fights about that. There had been her son, his step-son, but the young man had moved to California last August to live with his dad and go to college.
Teresa didn't need him anymore now. She'd moved on.
Lost in his thoughts, Harold III walked on, wondering how long he could afford the rent on the trailer and how much money he needed to pack up and move to Colorado. He'd always thought about spending time there.
He had nearly passed the first alley when he reached for a cigarette inside his coat. His eye caught something--alive--in the alley...
Harold III dropped his cigarette and ran over immediately to the man. There was blood everywhere. He knelt down and wiped up some of the blood off of the man's face with his shirt sleeve.
"Pulse...Pulse..." he whispered, running his rough hands over the neck and wrist of the man, wondering if it was any use.
Harold III looked desperately up the street where he had walked. No one was there. "Never anyone when you need someone," he said, matter-of-factly.
He heard the man gasp and moan slightly.
"He's alive!" Harold III stated, rather loudly, and then, without stopping to think of the logistics or legalities, he heaved the man up and threw him over his shoulder.
The half-conscious man expelled what Harold III feared was his last breath.
"Jesus," Harold III said as he stumbled with the weight, cursing under his breath at the load and the blood that had soaked his coat, and headed in the direction of the local hospital.
Only the streetlights illuminated the streets.
It was freezing now, yet Harold III could feel his forehead and armpits perspiring with the effort.
The hospital was three city blocks up. He knew this path. He'd taken it many times before. But it seemed to take forever now. He thought, with every step, about whether he should have just left the man and gone for help.
"Poor sap," Harold III thought.
Harold III could hear the man, gasping, as if he were trying to say something. He didn't want him to worry.
"I'm taking you to the hospital," Harold III said, and he could already see the illuminated blue sign one block away. "To the ER."
He could feel the poor, bloodied man relax, and Harold III was grateful. He could shift his weight now and forge ahead, these last few paces.
When Harold III walked through the automatic doors carrying the bloodied bloke left for dead in the alleyway, the attendants jumped to attention and there was a flurry of motion that caused Harold III to feel dizzy.
He looked at the man, now lying on the gurney, eyes spacey, and said, "Good luck, 'ole boy."
As Harold III walked away from the ER that night, he felt like more than just the weight of the man had been lifted from his shoulders.
"The Grace to Run Your Race"
"Success tends to generate more hard work, the need for growth, the need to increase our capacity, and the need for greater focus, prioritizing, and management.
I encourage you today to embrace the change necessary in order to grow into the success that God has prepared for you. God calls us to step up and into His promises and purposes, and He will give you the grace to run your race."
--Christine Caine, Facebook 11-21-11
Although a very dear spiritual mentor of mine suggested to me (over two years ago) that I follow the blog ministry of Christine Caine, it was last night--after awaking in a panic at a noise I thought I heard--that I turned on the TV and actually got to hear her.
I grabbed my phone and took the following notes as quickly as I could on the notepad app:
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Strength is for service, not status.
I think it's really interesting how easily we can lose focus when God blesses us with the strength to accomplish whatever is before us to accomplish. I have absolutely no desire to be or become a person of "status." It has been my observation that people must sacrifice much of themselves and their convictions to keep that "publicly coveted status." Too, I have never been impressed with insincerity--even when someone is REALLY GOOD at it. (I suppose on some level, I can marvel at their skill, but I am thankful that I am not proficient in it.)
As I get older, I am realizing how very important strength/energy is. I need it to accomplish anything and everything. I am so thankful, these days, when there seems to be an abundance. But I must remember that the strength God gives me should be used for SERVICE--to my family, others, the church--and ALL for his glory and praise. I pray as I type this that I can grow in this area, that I can appreciate every moment and use it for HIM.
People are caged by fear and doubt. People do not like to change.
Well, people have written books on this subject--undoubtedly, this is the God's truth, as they say. But instead of making general and sweeping generalizations about others, I will just say this: I hope that I am not caged by fear and doubt--whether consciously or subconsciously. And I hope that I can be honest, always, enough to admit that I struggle with these things from time to time.
As for change, I don't know that I fall into that category, though I will say this: For me, the resistance to change happens mostly because of uncertainty for the future...It IS difficult for me to make a change if I cannot see the way ahead--even a bit--and can see that all will be well. Honestly, a total faith walk, a total step of faith, is something I would need to work on. (Though, and God knows this to be true, if I REALLY felt God telling me/commanding me to do something/anything, I would do it. Period. At least I would hope I could say "anything"...Though, thinking about it, the Abraham/Isaac near-sacrifice would be pushing it for me.) And I don't say this flippantly, rather, honestly, and knowing that I really NEED to grow more in faith, in Christ.
Your latter days will be greater than your former days, if you follow His leading.
We've taken to singing a song at church that says this first part exactly. (It omits the "if you follow His leading" part.) I think that's an interesting thing to think about--about our latter days. I think it's vitally important for us, as we age and grow in Christ, to be ever-cognizant of the fact that we do not have an eternity on this earth to make a difference. The older we get, the less time we have. You know, it's not a "fun" or "easy" thing to think about, but if we fail to think about it, won't we be more likely to become lax?
There is no time or place that we "slow down" for Christ. We must live with the expectation of becoming "Super Granny" in Christ.
This statement has really been one that I've been thinking about since I heard her say it. It's so right. Sometimes, I think we get the inclination to think that we've "done our time" and it's time to take a break and let someone else step up and "fill in the gap." Notice the cliches? That's what this is, spiritually speaking. It's just an overused expression of justifying our desire to slow down and spend more "me time" than "God-service" time.
And let's face it: The more I serve God, the more that seems to be required of me. Sure, there are blessings that come from it--for me, my family, the people around me. But, honestly? I'm exhausted mentally and physically. It requires more of me and I'm already engaged thoroughly in the everyday-life requirements. It seems impossible to sustain a long-time service commitment while fulfilling all of my life's obligations to my husband, kids, friends, job, church, etc. I totally "get" why people want to slow down, disengage for a time, "trade off" to someone else. But...and I mean BUT...when I "GAVE MY LIFE TO CHRIST," I gave it to Him. And the longer the serve him, the more I am realizing what that really means. When we give him our lives, it's then not up to us what we do, how we serve: it's up to him. When it's time for me to step down or move or alter my service, HE MUST DO IT. IT MUST COME FROM HIM. BECAUSE IT'S NOT MY LIFE ANYMORE. It's His.
I'm not saying that I totally "get this" yet--I'm just saying that I am realizing it more and more every day. I gave him all of me. ALL OF ME.
Our calling is to help a lost and broken world.
I'm just going to say this: In my estimation, this is the crux of Christianity. This is why we are HERE. If I'm being honest, this is also the very thing that moves me. I have no need of Christian Social Clubs (I'm a bit of a loner by nature, the truth be known); and I have far too many things to do and catch up on just to "play church." I do not believe that Jesus died for one sector of the public, one class, one status. I believe he died for people who are lost and broken or who KNOW what it is like to be. We don't accept Christ until we know that we are wretched, lost and broken without him. We mustn't ever forget that. Sometimes, the longer we are saved and plugged into a church, we tend to get distanced from those he called us to reach out to, to reach, on his behalf. That is our purpose, yet we allow ourselves to get insulated in comfortable rooms devoid of the messiness that comes with allowing too many lost or broken people in. (God forgive me.)
What do you see as your limitation? Many of us have issues with pride. We think that our limits are greater than his "I AM."
Limitations, well, limit us. I don't want to live a life of limitation, but I know that we all struggle against things that we perceive as "limits" to our spiritual success. Yet, the problem with allowing limitations to, well, limit us, is that we are taking the power of God and internalizing it. When we focus on limitations, we are focused on self. ALL OF US have limitations. But when we allow ourselves to remember and BELIEVE that what God's Word says is true: that NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE WITH GOD, then our limitations are, in fact, just things in our own heads--not in God's. There are no limits of ours that intimidate him. In fact, based on the Word of God and what I've seen in my lifetime, I think it can be said with certainty that God DELIGHTS in making the impossible possible. That way, people see and KNOW that HE DID IT. Not us. Not our "great minds" or abilities. It's all Him.
So...whatever limitations I see in my path right now (currently, money would be one of the foremost limitations in my life path), I must not dwell on them. Those limitations are what I'm seeing with MY OWN EYES, as opposed (and it IS in direct opposition) to HIS eyes. When we allow our limitations to consume us, disable us, or immobilize us, we have just allowed the enemy of our souls to convince us that GOD is not true to His word. When we are plagued by "realities" in our lives that seem to limit us and God's work in us, we MUST remember that when we gave our lives to Christ, we took on HIS attributes, HIS SPIRIT is within us, we are NEW CREATURES, and we do not have to live by the laws of Social or Spiritual Gravity. PRAISE THE LORD!
We need to have a "butectomy" and take the "but's" out of our thinking.
I laughed out loud when I heard her say this. It is SO TRUE. I think we have a number and wide variety of reasons to rationalize our inactivity, but she covers them all when she says that we must take ALL (not some) of the BUT's out of our thinking.
What is keeping you "stuck in a moment"? (She references the U2 song, "Stuck in a Moment"
This question she poses was the basis for one of the messages I did on a Wednesday night. After I heard her say this, I did a search for the lyrics to the song. Here's what they say:
I'm not afraid
Of anything in this world
There's nothing you can throw at me
That I haven't already heard
I'm just trying to find
A decent melody
A song that I can sing
In my own company
I never thought you were a fool
But darling, look at you. Ooh.
You gotta stand up straight, carry your own weight
'Cause tears are going nowhere baby
You've got to get yourself together
You've got stuck in a moment
And now you can't get out of it
Don't say that later will be better
Now you're stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it
I will not forsake
The colors that you bring
The nights you filled with fireworks
They left you with nothing
I am still enchanted
By the light you brought to me
I listen through your ears
Through your eyes I can see
You are such a fool
To worry like you do.. Oh
I know it's tough
And you can never get enough
Of what you don't really need now
My, oh my
You've got to get yourself together
You've got stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it
Oh love, look at you now
You've got yourself stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it
Oh lord look at you now
You've got yourself stuck in a moment
And you cant get out of it
I was unconscious, half asleep
The water is warm 'til you discover how deep
I wasn't jumping, for me it was a fall
It's a long way down to nothing at all
You've got to get yourself together
You've got stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it
Don't say that later will be better
Now you're stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it
And if the night runs over
And if the day won't last
And if your way should falter
Along this stony pass
It's just a moment
I talked about two types of moments: One, the kind of "stuck" that happens in a moment, in a split second, out of nowhere, immobilizing you; and Two, the kind of moment, like from the past, where something happened or something was said to immobilize you. In either case, both types of moments are difficult to forget, difficult to free yourself from on your own. Everyone is susceptible to this. Anyone can get stuck in a moment. But we have to move on. We have to trust God and, if necessary, FORCE ourselves to fight against the "stuck"--and fight for the "unstuck moment."
This time will pass--Life is a vapor. Are you wasting your vapor?
When she talked about this, she took an aerosol can and sprayed some "mist" into the air. And she told us that that is how our lives are described in the Bible. Like a mist. It appears for a short time and then is gone. We all only get that one spray, that one vapor. What are we doing with ours.
I feel deeply about this--there have been too many reminders recently to think otherwise or to ignore them. I really think that our time is short. (And maybe it's just that I feel MY TIME is short.) Either way, no matter how long or short our individual vapor is in comparison to other people's, it's still short, too short, and we really MUST think about what we are doing with ours.
You know, I'm coming to adopt a view on this, as well. I don't think it matters a hill of beans whether anyone remembers my vapor or not, whether anyone takes a snapshot of it and passes it on, whether people talk about it for years or not...What matters, in all of it, and in the end of this life, is whether I did what HE WANTED ME TO DO.
I cannot feel helpless when I think about ALL OF THE WASTED TIME that is on my hands...I am responsible for that!!! Why has it taken me this long to "get" some of this? Was I so obstinate that I refused to listen? Was I so independent and protective of my own power to control my own life that I couldn't hear him speaking? Now, I am left to wonder how much time I have left. And what can I do to hear him now? To do his will? And I just pray that I'm mature enough to HEAR what He is trying to tell me now!!! (I mean, I'm only just now realizing!!! I am nowhere near UNDERSTANDING!!!)
God help me. I don't know how or why he deals with me. Or any of us. He is so patient, so loving, so kind, so generous. To even to allow us to BREATHE after all of our rebellion. :(
We must get free from the cage of the past. The world is waiting for us to get out of our cages.
I feel like this year, 2011, has been a year that God has given me a glimpse of true freedom. I feel deeply in my spirit that that is his will for all of us (and it always has been)--to have TRUE FREEDOM in Christ. He gives us this amazing opportunity to know God--and he paid a HEAVY HEAVY PRICE for us to have access to it--and we continue to look inward, create our own boundaries and rules for followers of Christ, heaping burdens on the backs of people. We make up rules and regulations as we go along, some of which have NO BIBLICAL BASIS. Some of these things happen "in the best interest of others and the community"--but when we regulate God's people, inflicting our own rules on them, we strip them of the very freedom Christ died to give us!!!
How many times are we told in the New Testament that Christ died to give us FREEDOM. TO FREE US FROM THE LAW? I have no idea, but it's MANY MANY times. And yet, for some reason, we think we need to "add" our own little cultural items. (I won't bother to even engage in list-making here.) But while we sit and bicker about what a Christian should look like, and do, and NOT do, there's a lost and broken world out there who is in NEED of JESUS--and we're arguing about hair length, carpet colors, and the Holy Spirit. This CANNOT be God's will for his church. Period.
We DO need to get out of our cages--whatever cages they may be--and ask God to take us somewhere where we can DO the Great Commission and not just sit around and talk, and even argue, about it!
We mustn't be limited or have expectations that line up with the past. This is a new day and God is doing a new thing. "Noah's Greatest Hits" mustn't be the praise of today. It's time to move in, move on.
Sometimes I wonder why God would choose someone like me to speak to his church and work in his church. Especially in this culture. Sure, it's nearly 2012, but there are still many expectations on a church worker like me. I try to be respectful of people's expectations of me: I wear dresses on Sunday mornings (strictly for the church people--it's what's deemed as culturally appropriate--I would not wear dresses every week, otherwise). But, honestly, though I try to be as respectful as possible, I wonder why God would choose to use me. In my mind, people (especially women) in the church need to be and look conservative. I DO try to look as conservatively as possible, and appropriate to the situation, of course. But in my mind, I'm just not the usual. Not anywhere near it. My hair is wild and crazy and it never does the same thing twice. I am often goofy and awkward and I can trip on my own feet, if I'm not careful. I have constant battles with anxiety--including a social anxiety disorder (undiagnosed as of this writing). I am TERRIBLE at introducing myself to strangers, I have anxiety issues just thinking about it! (Not an understatement!) And although I have a sincere and honest intent in what I do and say, I have learned that some people do not perceive it in that way. I do not like politics, meetings, and titles. I have NO STOMACH for pompous people. Especially in the church. And in my short time working in the church, I have met MANY church leaders who, at the very least, come across that way.
And I have caught myself saying lately, WHY ME???
Tonight (I'm updating this blog at nearly 3 a.m. on 12/30/11), I called my Mom and expressed my concern to her about all of this. She said basically what Christine Caine did. "This is a new day. God is doing something different." And I had no recollection that Christine C. had said this when I talked to my Mom. As I work on this blog tonight, I am utterly astounded at the way God works to speak to us.
Christian curses...Christians often limit/curse each other. They want us to "settle down" and "get dignified" when that is the polar opposite of what God has called us to do and be.
Wow. I wonder if people have really thought about the kinds of Spiritual Generational Curses that we pass on.
God forgive us for cursing generations of your people to a limiting experience and knowledge of you. God forgive us for imposing our will, our belief system, our regurgitated cultural biases and BS on innocent souls that are trying to follow you. Forgive us for derailing people in the name of Tradition. Forgive us for discipling people by a set of our own standards, not yours. Forgive us for falling victim to that, any of this, in our lives, in our generation. PLEASE CONTINUE TO RAISE UP PEOPLE LIKE CHRISTINE CAINE AND FRANCIS CHAN AND OTHERS to shake us out of our comfort zones and to burn the "Christian Molds" we've made for people to fit into!!!
HELP US TO TURN OUR EYES AND HEARTS TO YOU!!!!
David danced with abandon. He didn't care what everybody thought.
David was utterly flawed. Yet he had a heart after God. And when it came to God, and to CELEBRATING GOD, he didn't care what other people thought!!! AMEN!!! LET IT BE IN MY OWN LIFE!!!
"I refuse to be slick and cool. I will not. Jesus radically saved me and I will remain radical. I will not sit in the cage of dignity to make people feel better about themselves doing nothing. Jesus Christ is a radical faith in our generation. Nobody who was dignified made a difference for the kingdom of God.
How "Radical" am I, really? Barely? Moderately? Massively?
And how many times have I allowed people to make me believe that I needed to be a "more dignified" Christian, a "calmer" version of myself, somehow?
I know I've bought into that lie. There have been times when I've gotten distressed because I could not "look the way I was supposed to look" or act the way I was supposed to act or believe the way I was supposed to believe. And I've been frustrated, even highly critical of myself, because I can't even FAKE being something other than I am.
One thing I think EVERYONE needs to guard against is comparing ourselves to others. We may be RELATIVELY Radical for Jesus or RELATIVELY Un-dignified, compared to other people around us...But how does GOD see us? He doesn't compare us to others--and thank God that has never been his "measuring stick"--He looks at our heart, compares us to His Word and what we know of it at any given moment in time. How would I measure up then? When I am compared to my knowledge, potential, capability? Would I be "weighed in the balance and be found wanting"?
I'm sure the answer right now is a resounding YES. But I hope to work on that--immediately.
It pleases God to make us strong.
I believe this. I believe that it pleases God to make us strong so He can show Himself through us. He can get glory when He makes me strong, because EVERYONE knows I am not strong on my own.
We need a radical fire. I know what it was to be lost and then found.
I know what it was like to be lost. More importantly, perhaps, I know what it's like to feel like God is a great distance away--and because of my own doings.
God prepped me locally, nationally, internationally/globally.
We all have to start somewhere. We have to trust God and do our best where he puts us. Then, we need to study to shew ourselves approved, learn everything we can where he has us...because where He's taking us will require us to use the things we've learned from prior experiences. God's plan is to GROW US. It is not his idea for us to climb five or six steps and say we have "arrived"...No. It is an ever-evolving process that happens within us, and it will keep us busy for a lifetime. But His plan is not for us to remain at one step forever, but to grow us and "promote us" to larger platforms to spread the Good News as we go.
For her, she said she NEEDED to start smaller, grow, branch out, and then, eventually, share the GOOD NEWS with the world! That's his plan for us all!!!
God uses ordinary people to do extraordinary things.
Praise the Lord for that! That means there is hope for me!!!
We must take risks and have faith.
Why do we avoid taking risks? Leaving our comfort zones, even momentarily? Maybe that should be our challenge. After identifying a box we are "comfortable" with or in, we should leave it periodically to explore life outside of the box...A life FREEEEE of constraint, limitation, low expectations. Because that's where he wants us anyway: OUT OF THE BOX.
The potency has left the church because we do not live by faith and take risks. God does not ask us to do normal things.
This reminds me of the old song, "Living by Faith": "Living by Faith/ In Jesus above/ Trusting, confiding/ In His great love/ From all harm safe/ In his sheltering arms/ I'm living by faith/ And feel no alarm."
We need to realize the power of the Word.
Definitely. And as my dear friend reminds me often: we need to remember the authority that we have in Christ. And how can we know that if we do not spend time in His Word?
"Because I am taking risks and stepping out in faith [with her human trafficking ministry], we are living Bible stuff."
The stories in the Bible aren't fictional. They are stories about what happened to REAL people who did their best to follow God. Today, nothing has changed. If and when we can give God something to work with, He will...and we will tell stories not unlike those found in the precious Word of God.
Continue to lift up the name of Jesus. Keep walking around the walls.
Praise Him!!! If we could just understand how vitally important praise is in our daily walk with him!!! He is WORTHY of any/all praise we can give him! Amen!!!
"Are you alive? Did you wake up with a chalk line around you? Then it's not over. God has a plan and destiny for your life."
As long as I'm breathing, God can find a way to use me. I take comfort in that fact: As long as I live, He can use me.
Dare to get out of the cage. [She compares Christians to caged animals at the zoo, as opposed to free ones roaming the plains of Africa.]
Am I a "caged Christian"? Or am I free?
"It's not about what I've got, but what God can do with what I've got."
Amen! I'm so thankful that God doesn't base things on me--my limited experiences, giftings, offering. I'm so thankful that he can see something within me that will serve Him and use it and make something out of nothing.
Q: What am I going to get pregnant and give birth to?
I told someone today that I just wished God could give me a more specific FOCUS on what I need to be doing. It feels like right now I'm doing a LOT, many different things, many obligations...but what I'd like to know is what I "should be doing" or "really need to be doing"...Not because someone asked me to or felt like I could do a good job, but because the ALMIGHTY GOD directed me to do something. THAT'S what I want to be doing. Anything else--and even noble things--are just a simple waste of my time and energies.
And as I get older, I am realizing more and more that I only have so much time and energy to give...
The same spirit that raised Jesus from the dead raised you and me.
We are not "victims" on this earth, not with the blood of Jesus covering us. If we could just get an understanding of this, it could revolutionize everything we are and do on this planet. We have the same spirit working in us that RAISED JESUS FROM THE DEAD...Do we REALIZE how powerful that is? Do we understand how that would irrevocably make us OVER-COMERS and VICTORS in this life?
Be strong in the Lord and the power of his might and do what He's called you to do with all of your might in your one and only life.
Recently, I have been really thinking about how short life is, how little time I really have to live on this planet--and the time is ticking by, each moment. When I think about these things--though some may charge morbidity--it makes me think about whether or not I am truly living my life to the best of my ability. How much of my life is being wasted away? How much of my precious time have a squandered already? What can I do to slow things down, gain additional perspective so I can embrace every moment, so help me God?
I get one life and once chance to live it. This is a one-shot deal with no do-overs. And, what scares me if I think about it, is how I will be held accountable for my time. What will God say to me? Will he be proud of me? Or shake his head at my missed opportunities? I cringe thinking about it, and could easily bury my head in the sand and keep my already cluttered mind busy with other topics to avoid thinking about all of my mistakes, but I know that the BEST thing I can do, the most PROACTIVE thing I can do is just START OVER. I can't do one thing about what has transpired, but I can do something about today--what's left of it--and the choices I make in the future.
I want to make my future count. For Him.
I encourage you today to embrace the change necessary in order to grow into the success that God has prepared for you. God calls us to step up and into His promises and purposes, and He will give you the grace to run your race."
--Christine Caine, Facebook 11-21-11
Although a very dear spiritual mentor of mine suggested to me (over two years ago) that I follow the blog ministry of Christine Caine, it was last night--after awaking in a panic at a noise I thought I heard--that I turned on the TV and actually got to hear her.
I grabbed my phone and took the following notes as quickly as I could on the notepad app:
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Strength is for service, not status.
I think it's really interesting how easily we can lose focus when God blesses us with the strength to accomplish whatever is before us to accomplish. I have absolutely no desire to be or become a person of "status." It has been my observation that people must sacrifice much of themselves and their convictions to keep that "publicly coveted status." Too, I have never been impressed with insincerity--even when someone is REALLY GOOD at it. (I suppose on some level, I can marvel at their skill, but I am thankful that I am not proficient in it.)
As I get older, I am realizing how very important strength/energy is. I need it to accomplish anything and everything. I am so thankful, these days, when there seems to be an abundance. But I must remember that the strength God gives me should be used for SERVICE--to my family, others, the church--and ALL for his glory and praise. I pray as I type this that I can grow in this area, that I can appreciate every moment and use it for HIM.
People are caged by fear and doubt. People do not like to change.
Well, people have written books on this subject--undoubtedly, this is the God's truth, as they say. But instead of making general and sweeping generalizations about others, I will just say this: I hope that I am not caged by fear and doubt--whether consciously or subconsciously. And I hope that I can be honest, always, enough to admit that I struggle with these things from time to time.
As for change, I don't know that I fall into that category, though I will say this: For me, the resistance to change happens mostly because of uncertainty for the future...It IS difficult for me to make a change if I cannot see the way ahead--even a bit--and can see that all will be well. Honestly, a total faith walk, a total step of faith, is something I would need to work on. (Though, and God knows this to be true, if I REALLY felt God telling me/commanding me to do something/anything, I would do it. Period. At least I would hope I could say "anything"...Though, thinking about it, the Abraham/Isaac near-sacrifice would be pushing it for me.) And I don't say this flippantly, rather, honestly, and knowing that I really NEED to grow more in faith, in Christ.
Your latter days will be greater than your former days, if you follow His leading.
We've taken to singing a song at church that says this first part exactly. (It omits the "if you follow His leading" part.) I think that's an interesting thing to think about--about our latter days. I think it's vitally important for us, as we age and grow in Christ, to be ever-cognizant of the fact that we do not have an eternity on this earth to make a difference. The older we get, the less time we have. You know, it's not a "fun" or "easy" thing to think about, but if we fail to think about it, won't we be more likely to become lax?
There is no time or place that we "slow down" for Christ. We must live with the expectation of becoming "Super Granny" in Christ.
This statement has really been one that I've been thinking about since I heard her say it. It's so right. Sometimes, I think we get the inclination to think that we've "done our time" and it's time to take a break and let someone else step up and "fill in the gap." Notice the cliches? That's what this is, spiritually speaking. It's just an overused expression of justifying our desire to slow down and spend more "me time" than "God-service" time.
And let's face it: The more I serve God, the more that seems to be required of me. Sure, there are blessings that come from it--for me, my family, the people around me. But, honestly? I'm exhausted mentally and physically. It requires more of me and I'm already engaged thoroughly in the everyday-life requirements. It seems impossible to sustain a long-time service commitment while fulfilling all of my life's obligations to my husband, kids, friends, job, church, etc. I totally "get" why people want to slow down, disengage for a time, "trade off" to someone else. But...and I mean BUT...when I "GAVE MY LIFE TO CHRIST," I gave it to Him. And the longer the serve him, the more I am realizing what that really means. When we give him our lives, it's then not up to us what we do, how we serve: it's up to him. When it's time for me to step down or move or alter my service, HE MUST DO IT. IT MUST COME FROM HIM. BECAUSE IT'S NOT MY LIFE ANYMORE. It's His.
I'm not saying that I totally "get this" yet--I'm just saying that I am realizing it more and more every day. I gave him all of me. ALL OF ME.
Our calling is to help a lost and broken world.
I'm just going to say this: In my estimation, this is the crux of Christianity. This is why we are HERE. If I'm being honest, this is also the very thing that moves me. I have no need of Christian Social Clubs (I'm a bit of a loner by nature, the truth be known); and I have far too many things to do and catch up on just to "play church." I do not believe that Jesus died for one sector of the public, one class, one status. I believe he died for people who are lost and broken or who KNOW what it is like to be. We don't accept Christ until we know that we are wretched, lost and broken without him. We mustn't ever forget that. Sometimes, the longer we are saved and plugged into a church, we tend to get distanced from those he called us to reach out to, to reach, on his behalf. That is our purpose, yet we allow ourselves to get insulated in comfortable rooms devoid of the messiness that comes with allowing too many lost or broken people in. (God forgive me.)
What do you see as your limitation? Many of us have issues with pride. We think that our limits are greater than his "I AM."
Limitations, well, limit us. I don't want to live a life of limitation, but I know that we all struggle against things that we perceive as "limits" to our spiritual success. Yet, the problem with allowing limitations to, well, limit us, is that we are taking the power of God and internalizing it. When we focus on limitations, we are focused on self. ALL OF US have limitations. But when we allow ourselves to remember and BELIEVE that what God's Word says is true: that NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE WITH GOD, then our limitations are, in fact, just things in our own heads--not in God's. There are no limits of ours that intimidate him. In fact, based on the Word of God and what I've seen in my lifetime, I think it can be said with certainty that God DELIGHTS in making the impossible possible. That way, people see and KNOW that HE DID IT. Not us. Not our "great minds" or abilities. It's all Him.
So...whatever limitations I see in my path right now (currently, money would be one of the foremost limitations in my life path), I must not dwell on them. Those limitations are what I'm seeing with MY OWN EYES, as opposed (and it IS in direct opposition) to HIS eyes. When we allow our limitations to consume us, disable us, or immobilize us, we have just allowed the enemy of our souls to convince us that GOD is not true to His word. When we are plagued by "realities" in our lives that seem to limit us and God's work in us, we MUST remember that when we gave our lives to Christ, we took on HIS attributes, HIS SPIRIT is within us, we are NEW CREATURES, and we do not have to live by the laws of Social or Spiritual Gravity. PRAISE THE LORD!
We need to have a "butectomy" and take the "but's" out of our thinking.
I laughed out loud when I heard her say this. It is SO TRUE. I think we have a number and wide variety of reasons to rationalize our inactivity, but she covers them all when she says that we must take ALL (not some) of the BUT's out of our thinking.
What is keeping you "stuck in a moment"? (She references the U2 song, "Stuck in a Moment"
This question she poses was the basis for one of the messages I did on a Wednesday night. After I heard her say this, I did a search for the lyrics to the song. Here's what they say:
I'm not afraid
Of anything in this world
There's nothing you can throw at me
That I haven't already heard
I'm just trying to find
A decent melody
A song that I can sing
In my own company
I never thought you were a fool
But darling, look at you. Ooh.
You gotta stand up straight, carry your own weight
'Cause tears are going nowhere baby
You've got to get yourself together
You've got stuck in a moment
And now you can't get out of it
Don't say that later will be better
Now you're stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it
I will not forsake
The colors that you bring
The nights you filled with fireworks
They left you with nothing
I am still enchanted
By the light you brought to me
I listen through your ears
Through your eyes I can see
You are such a fool
To worry like you do.. Oh
I know it's tough
And you can never get enough
Of what you don't really need now
My, oh my
You've got to get yourself together
You've got stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it
Oh love, look at you now
You've got yourself stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it
Oh lord look at you now
You've got yourself stuck in a moment
And you cant get out of it
I was unconscious, half asleep
The water is warm 'til you discover how deep
I wasn't jumping, for me it was a fall
It's a long way down to nothing at all
You've got to get yourself together
You've got stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it
Don't say that later will be better
Now you're stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it
And if the night runs over
And if the day won't last
And if your way should falter
Along this stony pass
It's just a moment
I talked about two types of moments: One, the kind of "stuck" that happens in a moment, in a split second, out of nowhere, immobilizing you; and Two, the kind of moment, like from the past, where something happened or something was said to immobilize you. In either case, both types of moments are difficult to forget, difficult to free yourself from on your own. Everyone is susceptible to this. Anyone can get stuck in a moment. But we have to move on. We have to trust God and, if necessary, FORCE ourselves to fight against the "stuck"--and fight for the "unstuck moment."
This time will pass--Life is a vapor. Are you wasting your vapor?
When she talked about this, she took an aerosol can and sprayed some "mist" into the air. And she told us that that is how our lives are described in the Bible. Like a mist. It appears for a short time and then is gone. We all only get that one spray, that one vapor. What are we doing with ours.
I feel deeply about this--there have been too many reminders recently to think otherwise or to ignore them. I really think that our time is short. (And maybe it's just that I feel MY TIME is short.) Either way, no matter how long or short our individual vapor is in comparison to other people's, it's still short, too short, and we really MUST think about what we are doing with ours.
You know, I'm coming to adopt a view on this, as well. I don't think it matters a hill of beans whether anyone remembers my vapor or not, whether anyone takes a snapshot of it and passes it on, whether people talk about it for years or not...What matters, in all of it, and in the end of this life, is whether I did what HE WANTED ME TO DO.
I cannot feel helpless when I think about ALL OF THE WASTED TIME that is on my hands...I am responsible for that!!! Why has it taken me this long to "get" some of this? Was I so obstinate that I refused to listen? Was I so independent and protective of my own power to control my own life that I couldn't hear him speaking? Now, I am left to wonder how much time I have left. And what can I do to hear him now? To do his will? And I just pray that I'm mature enough to HEAR what He is trying to tell me now!!! (I mean, I'm only just now realizing!!! I am nowhere near UNDERSTANDING!!!)
God help me. I don't know how or why he deals with me. Or any of us. He is so patient, so loving, so kind, so generous. To even to allow us to BREATHE after all of our rebellion. :(
We must get free from the cage of the past. The world is waiting for us to get out of our cages.
I feel like this year, 2011, has been a year that God has given me a glimpse of true freedom. I feel deeply in my spirit that that is his will for all of us (and it always has been)--to have TRUE FREEDOM in Christ. He gives us this amazing opportunity to know God--and he paid a HEAVY HEAVY PRICE for us to have access to it--and we continue to look inward, create our own boundaries and rules for followers of Christ, heaping burdens on the backs of people. We make up rules and regulations as we go along, some of which have NO BIBLICAL BASIS. Some of these things happen "in the best interest of others and the community"--but when we regulate God's people, inflicting our own rules on them, we strip them of the very freedom Christ died to give us!!!
How many times are we told in the New Testament that Christ died to give us FREEDOM. TO FREE US FROM THE LAW? I have no idea, but it's MANY MANY times. And yet, for some reason, we think we need to "add" our own little cultural items. (I won't bother to even engage in list-making here.) But while we sit and bicker about what a Christian should look like, and do, and NOT do, there's a lost and broken world out there who is in NEED of JESUS--and we're arguing about hair length, carpet colors, and the Holy Spirit. This CANNOT be God's will for his church. Period.
We DO need to get out of our cages--whatever cages they may be--and ask God to take us somewhere where we can DO the Great Commission and not just sit around and talk, and even argue, about it!
We mustn't be limited or have expectations that line up with the past. This is a new day and God is doing a new thing. "Noah's Greatest Hits" mustn't be the praise of today. It's time to move in, move on.
Sometimes I wonder why God would choose someone like me to speak to his church and work in his church. Especially in this culture. Sure, it's nearly 2012, but there are still many expectations on a church worker like me. I try to be respectful of people's expectations of me: I wear dresses on Sunday mornings (strictly for the church people--it's what's deemed as culturally appropriate--I would not wear dresses every week, otherwise). But, honestly, though I try to be as respectful as possible, I wonder why God would choose to use me. In my mind, people (especially women) in the church need to be and look conservative. I DO try to look as conservatively as possible, and appropriate to the situation, of course. But in my mind, I'm just not the usual. Not anywhere near it. My hair is wild and crazy and it never does the same thing twice. I am often goofy and awkward and I can trip on my own feet, if I'm not careful. I have constant battles with anxiety--including a social anxiety disorder (undiagnosed as of this writing). I am TERRIBLE at introducing myself to strangers, I have anxiety issues just thinking about it! (Not an understatement!) And although I have a sincere and honest intent in what I do and say, I have learned that some people do not perceive it in that way. I do not like politics, meetings, and titles. I have NO STOMACH for pompous people. Especially in the church. And in my short time working in the church, I have met MANY church leaders who, at the very least, come across that way.
And I have caught myself saying lately, WHY ME???
Tonight (I'm updating this blog at nearly 3 a.m. on 12/30/11), I called my Mom and expressed my concern to her about all of this. She said basically what Christine Caine did. "This is a new day. God is doing something different." And I had no recollection that Christine C. had said this when I talked to my Mom. As I work on this blog tonight, I am utterly astounded at the way God works to speak to us.
Christian curses...Christians often limit/curse each other. They want us to "settle down" and "get dignified" when that is the polar opposite of what God has called us to do and be.
Wow. I wonder if people have really thought about the kinds of Spiritual Generational Curses that we pass on.
God forgive us for cursing generations of your people to a limiting experience and knowledge of you. God forgive us for imposing our will, our belief system, our regurgitated cultural biases and BS on innocent souls that are trying to follow you. Forgive us for derailing people in the name of Tradition. Forgive us for discipling people by a set of our own standards, not yours. Forgive us for falling victim to that, any of this, in our lives, in our generation. PLEASE CONTINUE TO RAISE UP PEOPLE LIKE CHRISTINE CAINE AND FRANCIS CHAN AND OTHERS to shake us out of our comfort zones and to burn the "Christian Molds" we've made for people to fit into!!!
HELP US TO TURN OUR EYES AND HEARTS TO YOU!!!!
David danced with abandon. He didn't care what everybody thought.
David was utterly flawed. Yet he had a heart after God. And when it came to God, and to CELEBRATING GOD, he didn't care what other people thought!!! AMEN!!! LET IT BE IN MY OWN LIFE!!!
"I refuse to be slick and cool. I will not. Jesus radically saved me and I will remain radical. I will not sit in the cage of dignity to make people feel better about themselves doing nothing. Jesus Christ is a radical faith in our generation. Nobody who was dignified made a difference for the kingdom of God.
How "Radical" am I, really? Barely? Moderately? Massively?
And how many times have I allowed people to make me believe that I needed to be a "more dignified" Christian, a "calmer" version of myself, somehow?
I know I've bought into that lie. There have been times when I've gotten distressed because I could not "look the way I was supposed to look" or act the way I was supposed to act or believe the way I was supposed to believe. And I've been frustrated, even highly critical of myself, because I can't even FAKE being something other than I am.
One thing I think EVERYONE needs to guard against is comparing ourselves to others. We may be RELATIVELY Radical for Jesus or RELATIVELY Un-dignified, compared to other people around us...But how does GOD see us? He doesn't compare us to others--and thank God that has never been his "measuring stick"--He looks at our heart, compares us to His Word and what we know of it at any given moment in time. How would I measure up then? When I am compared to my knowledge, potential, capability? Would I be "weighed in the balance and be found wanting"?
I'm sure the answer right now is a resounding YES. But I hope to work on that--immediately.
It pleases God to make us strong.
I believe this. I believe that it pleases God to make us strong so He can show Himself through us. He can get glory when He makes me strong, because EVERYONE knows I am not strong on my own.
We need a radical fire. I know what it was to be lost and then found.
I know what it was like to be lost. More importantly, perhaps, I know what it's like to feel like God is a great distance away--and because of my own doings.
God prepped me locally, nationally, internationally/globally.
We all have to start somewhere. We have to trust God and do our best where he puts us. Then, we need to study to shew ourselves approved, learn everything we can where he has us...because where He's taking us will require us to use the things we've learned from prior experiences. God's plan is to GROW US. It is not his idea for us to climb five or six steps and say we have "arrived"...No. It is an ever-evolving process that happens within us, and it will keep us busy for a lifetime. But His plan is not for us to remain at one step forever, but to grow us and "promote us" to larger platforms to spread the Good News as we go.
For her, she said she NEEDED to start smaller, grow, branch out, and then, eventually, share the GOOD NEWS with the world! That's his plan for us all!!!
God uses ordinary people to do extraordinary things.
Praise the Lord for that! That means there is hope for me!!!
We must take risks and have faith.
Why do we avoid taking risks? Leaving our comfort zones, even momentarily? Maybe that should be our challenge. After identifying a box we are "comfortable" with or in, we should leave it periodically to explore life outside of the box...A life FREEEEE of constraint, limitation, low expectations. Because that's where he wants us anyway: OUT OF THE BOX.
The potency has left the church because we do not live by faith and take risks. God does not ask us to do normal things.
This reminds me of the old song, "Living by Faith": "Living by Faith/ In Jesus above/ Trusting, confiding/ In His great love/ From all harm safe/ In his sheltering arms/ I'm living by faith/ And feel no alarm."
We need to realize the power of the Word.
Definitely. And as my dear friend reminds me often: we need to remember the authority that we have in Christ. And how can we know that if we do not spend time in His Word?
"Because I am taking risks and stepping out in faith [with her human trafficking ministry], we are living Bible stuff."
The stories in the Bible aren't fictional. They are stories about what happened to REAL people who did their best to follow God. Today, nothing has changed. If and when we can give God something to work with, He will...and we will tell stories not unlike those found in the precious Word of God.
Continue to lift up the name of Jesus. Keep walking around the walls.
Praise Him!!! If we could just understand how vitally important praise is in our daily walk with him!!! He is WORTHY of any/all praise we can give him! Amen!!!
"Are you alive? Did you wake up with a chalk line around you? Then it's not over. God has a plan and destiny for your life."
As long as I'm breathing, God can find a way to use me. I take comfort in that fact: As long as I live, He can use me.
Dare to get out of the cage. [She compares Christians to caged animals at the zoo, as opposed to free ones roaming the plains of Africa.]
Am I a "caged Christian"? Or am I free?
"It's not about what I've got, but what God can do with what I've got."
Amen! I'm so thankful that God doesn't base things on me--my limited experiences, giftings, offering. I'm so thankful that he can see something within me that will serve Him and use it and make something out of nothing.
Q: What am I going to get pregnant and give birth to?
I told someone today that I just wished God could give me a more specific FOCUS on what I need to be doing. It feels like right now I'm doing a LOT, many different things, many obligations...but what I'd like to know is what I "should be doing" or "really need to be doing"...Not because someone asked me to or felt like I could do a good job, but because the ALMIGHTY GOD directed me to do something. THAT'S what I want to be doing. Anything else--and even noble things--are just a simple waste of my time and energies.
And as I get older, I am realizing more and more that I only have so much time and energy to give...
The same spirit that raised Jesus from the dead raised you and me.
We are not "victims" on this earth, not with the blood of Jesus covering us. If we could just get an understanding of this, it could revolutionize everything we are and do on this planet. We have the same spirit working in us that RAISED JESUS FROM THE DEAD...Do we REALIZE how powerful that is? Do we understand how that would irrevocably make us OVER-COMERS and VICTORS in this life?
Be strong in the Lord and the power of his might and do what He's called you to do with all of your might in your one and only life.
Recently, I have been really thinking about how short life is, how little time I really have to live on this planet--and the time is ticking by, each moment. When I think about these things--though some may charge morbidity--it makes me think about whether or not I am truly living my life to the best of my ability. How much of my life is being wasted away? How much of my precious time have a squandered already? What can I do to slow things down, gain additional perspective so I can embrace every moment, so help me God?
I get one life and once chance to live it. This is a one-shot deal with no do-overs. And, what scares me if I think about it, is how I will be held accountable for my time. What will God say to me? Will he be proud of me? Or shake his head at my missed opportunities? I cringe thinking about it, and could easily bury my head in the sand and keep my already cluttered mind busy with other topics to avoid thinking about all of my mistakes, but I know that the BEST thing I can do, the most PROACTIVE thing I can do is just START OVER. I can't do one thing about what has transpired, but I can do something about today--what's left of it--and the choices I make in the future.
I want to make my future count. For Him.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Moving Forward
"Moving forward requires three things: preparation, dedication, and revelation. To succeed, you must depend upon God for direction daily."
--TD Jakes Ministries, posted to Facebook, 11-3-11
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I have been seeking God for direction in my life. It's interesting, as of late, how often He is showing me the same things over and over again. This post by TD Jakes Ministries reaffirms the messages I seem to be receiving consistently.
PREPARATION: Our destiny does not come about if we do not seek it. It isn't realized if we give in to complacency, comfort, or straight-up laziness. We have to be willing to do our part. We have to be willing to put in the time and effort to have our dreams realized. If we do not prepare, and we step out anyway in the direction of our destiny, sooner or later we will pay a great cost. God KNOWS what lies ahead, what is necessary for our survival in the Destiy he has called us to. We must spend time listening, praying, preparing as much as we can for what He's called us to do.
DEDICATION: Once we are "as ready as we will ever be" and, at God's Word, we move forward, we have to have the determination to keep going when the road gets tough. I have found that there is MUCH PAIN that will be endured when we follow after Christ, when we decide to really follow Him. And it can get tempting to stop, retreat, even recant. (I'm not talking about recanting our Christian beliefs--although persecuted Christians are asked/required to do this around the world every day or face death--as much as I am "recanting our Call"). We will never make it if we are not dedicated, if we are not persistent, if we are not able to "put one foot in front of the other" every day of our lives.
Last night at church, we had a missionary who said these words: "A fellow missionary once confided in me that he had been thinking of quitting his overseas missions position." He paused. Then, he said, "I told him that there's not a day that goes by that I don't think about quitting. But I say my prayers and go to sleep and wake up the next day and do it all over again!" He was talking about dedication! When the "new" or "awe" or "wow" factors wear off, and the rough stuff begins, and the enemy is all in your face, and the voices of encouragement cannot be found, THEN WHAT?!?!? Then you rely on your Call, what you KNOW you heard. And you hold on. And you trust God.
REVELATION: Even in the short span of time I've been in ministry--in this particular part of the ministry, anyway--I cannot express enough the importance of getting "Revelation" from God. Everything I do and say, and everything I attempt to do and say, is so much more REAL when I've heard from God. I don't think there's a person in the world who has not experienced "dry spells" and seeming silence when it comes to ministry, but (see comments in "Dedication," above) when you seek God earnestly, and the Holy Spirit reveals to you something, in His Word, for your own life, for His people, it's truly amazing. One Word of revelation can completely REFUEL, RE-ENERGIZE, and REVIVE a ministry that has staled. One Word of revelation can completely RE-ROUTE the man or woman of God--illuminating the right path for the current moment. I pray for Divine Revelation in my ministry ALL OF THE TIME. Because, let's face it: revelation makes preparation and dedication MUCH EASIER!!!
--TD Jakes Ministries, posted to Facebook, 11-3-11
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
I have been seeking God for direction in my life. It's interesting, as of late, how often He is showing me the same things over and over again. This post by TD Jakes Ministries reaffirms the messages I seem to be receiving consistently.
PREPARATION: Our destiny does not come about if we do not seek it. It isn't realized if we give in to complacency, comfort, or straight-up laziness. We have to be willing to do our part. We have to be willing to put in the time and effort to have our dreams realized. If we do not prepare, and we step out anyway in the direction of our destiny, sooner or later we will pay a great cost. God KNOWS what lies ahead, what is necessary for our survival in the Destiy he has called us to. We must spend time listening, praying, preparing as much as we can for what He's called us to do.
DEDICATION: Once we are "as ready as we will ever be" and, at God's Word, we move forward, we have to have the determination to keep going when the road gets tough. I have found that there is MUCH PAIN that will be endured when we follow after Christ, when we decide to really follow Him. And it can get tempting to stop, retreat, even recant. (I'm not talking about recanting our Christian beliefs--although persecuted Christians are asked/required to do this around the world every day or face death--as much as I am "recanting our Call"). We will never make it if we are not dedicated, if we are not persistent, if we are not able to "put one foot in front of the other" every day of our lives.
Last night at church, we had a missionary who said these words: "A fellow missionary once confided in me that he had been thinking of quitting his overseas missions position." He paused. Then, he said, "I told him that there's not a day that goes by that I don't think about quitting. But I say my prayers and go to sleep and wake up the next day and do it all over again!" He was talking about dedication! When the "new" or "awe" or "wow" factors wear off, and the rough stuff begins, and the enemy is all in your face, and the voices of encouragement cannot be found, THEN WHAT?!?!? Then you rely on your Call, what you KNOW you heard. And you hold on. And you trust God.
REVELATION: Even in the short span of time I've been in ministry--in this particular part of the ministry, anyway--I cannot express enough the importance of getting "Revelation" from God. Everything I do and say, and everything I attempt to do and say, is so much more REAL when I've heard from God. I don't think there's a person in the world who has not experienced "dry spells" and seeming silence when it comes to ministry, but (see comments in "Dedication," above) when you seek God earnestly, and the Holy Spirit reveals to you something, in His Word, for your own life, for His people, it's truly amazing. One Word of revelation can completely REFUEL, RE-ENERGIZE, and REVIVE a ministry that has staled. One Word of revelation can completely RE-ROUTE the man or woman of God--illuminating the right path for the current moment. I pray for Divine Revelation in my ministry ALL OF THE TIME. Because, let's face it: revelation makes preparation and dedication MUCH EASIER!!!
Saturday, October 29, 2011
A Dream: The Roller Coaster Car Ride
Psalm, a dear friend of mine, and I were in a car headed somewhere--there was a purpose, a fixed destination. It was night time and we were in the same SUV together.
It had to have been the Fourth of July because as we were on our way together, we saw fireworks go off. When my friend saw the fireworks, I could tell she missed being at home, so she decided--and I encouraged her--to drive to her home and let us drop her off there so she could be with her family. It was understood that Psalm and I would then go on in the car ourselves, heading for our previous destination.
So she took another road than the one we were on, heading for her house. The road was full of mini-hills and valleys, and the farther we drove, the taller the hills got and the faster the car went. It began to feel like a roller coaster ride--to the point where I would be thrown up, off my seat, head nearly hitting the roof of the car. It wasn't, in itself, "scary," but as we continued, and the hills and "roller coaster feel" continued, I got an uneasy feeling.
Then, as we topped the last hill, we all realized the road had ended and we, in the car, began the long, life-ending descent to the bottom of this huge cliff. I could see the bottom, hundreds of feet below, and knew the inevitable had come.
On the way down, Psalm and I had an out-of-body experience--we were suspended, outside of the car, watching the car and our physical bodies make the descent to the canyon floor below.
And then I woke up.
It had to have been the Fourth of July because as we were on our way together, we saw fireworks go off. When my friend saw the fireworks, I could tell she missed being at home, so she decided--and I encouraged her--to drive to her home and let us drop her off there so she could be with her family. It was understood that Psalm and I would then go on in the car ourselves, heading for our previous destination.
So she took another road than the one we were on, heading for her house. The road was full of mini-hills and valleys, and the farther we drove, the taller the hills got and the faster the car went. It began to feel like a roller coaster ride--to the point where I would be thrown up, off my seat, head nearly hitting the roof of the car. It wasn't, in itself, "scary," but as we continued, and the hills and "roller coaster feel" continued, I got an uneasy feeling.
Then, as we topped the last hill, we all realized the road had ended and we, in the car, began the long, life-ending descent to the bottom of this huge cliff. I could see the bottom, hundreds of feet below, and knew the inevitable had come.
On the way down, Psalm and I had an out-of-body experience--we were suspended, outside of the car, watching the car and our physical bodies make the descent to the canyon floor below.
And then I woke up.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
"Love My Church"
It's funny, or ironic. Or just bizarre, really. How God puts something, some concept in your heart and then teaches you, in the most painful way possible, the reality/realities of that concept.
And I can't help but think, in these times, "God, trust me. I could've read this, in some article or something, and gotten the 'moral of the story'--Did I have to learn this lesson first-hand? Is this going to help me somehow, to be stronger?"
Lately, in the past few days, God has really drawn my attention to passages that urge us to "Love one another." "Feed my sheep." "That's how they will know you're my disciples--because you love one another." In a book that I'm reading by Francis Chan, "Forgotten God," he talks about how the whole PURPOSE of the Holy Spirit, giftings and movements in us is to edify the church. In one chapter, he said that he heard God leading him to "Love the church."
This stood out to me then, because I think it's rather hard to love the church sometimes. (Of course it's hard--that's why Jesus said that THAT'S the measure by which they would know us, that they would see Jesus in us--that we could actually love "church people"!!!) People can be rude, mean, even evil. They can pre-judge you, mis-judge you, try to manipulate you, sabotage you. People are not beyond making stories up about you, lying, causing divisions, murmuring and complaining...I see levels of apathy in the church that far outweigh the apathy I find in the classroom--and I've been teaching now for 18 years. It can be frustrating. VERY FRUSTRATING.
I am a positive person who tries to avoid negativity. I try to avoid people who cause division, people who are rude, mean, even evil. Why would I want to be around people like that? Yet there are church people who are like that.
And there are wonderful people, too. Precious people who love the Lord, who love me and others, who forgive us all for our faults and failures, who extend grace and mercy to the deserving and undeserving alike. There are teachers and mentors in the church who have shaped me in irrevocable ways. I have been prayed for by warriors of the faith. I have been spoken over, blessed by countless LOVABLE people in His church, too. And the good people and moments have far outweighed the bad.
When I think back on the tears, pain, hurt, of this evening's events, I could easily get bitter. I could decide to walk away from those who have deeply hurt me. I could build up walls, lose my joy, become bound and eventually allow apathy to abound in my spirit...
But that's when I hear Him say to me, quietly, clearly, "Love My Church"...
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Afterthoughts:
As I was typing this, I felt the Holy Spirit telling me that it wasn't GOD'S IDEA to make me learn the lesson of "love" by enduring a PAINFUL incident. He had led me to those verses, concepts, because he KNEW what was ahead of me. He knew what was coming and what I needed to have embedded in my spirit to combat it. HE didn't DO THIS to me.
Another "coincidence": Before I had even gotten the message finished for church tonight, I had already gotten the title for the next message: "Revolution: Love." I guess THAT'S been completely confirmed, then, huh?
And I can't help but think, in these times, "God, trust me. I could've read this, in some article or something, and gotten the 'moral of the story'--Did I have to learn this lesson first-hand? Is this going to help me somehow, to be stronger?"
Lately, in the past few days, God has really drawn my attention to passages that urge us to "Love one another." "Feed my sheep." "That's how they will know you're my disciples--because you love one another." In a book that I'm reading by Francis Chan, "Forgotten God," he talks about how the whole PURPOSE of the Holy Spirit, giftings and movements in us is to edify the church. In one chapter, he said that he heard God leading him to "Love the church."
This stood out to me then, because I think it's rather hard to love the church sometimes. (Of course it's hard--that's why Jesus said that THAT'S the measure by which they would know us, that they would see Jesus in us--that we could actually love "church people"!!!) People can be rude, mean, even evil. They can pre-judge you, mis-judge you, try to manipulate you, sabotage you. People are not beyond making stories up about you, lying, causing divisions, murmuring and complaining...I see levels of apathy in the church that far outweigh the apathy I find in the classroom--and I've been teaching now for 18 years. It can be frustrating. VERY FRUSTRATING.
I am a positive person who tries to avoid negativity. I try to avoid people who cause division, people who are rude, mean, even evil. Why would I want to be around people like that? Yet there are church people who are like that.
And there are wonderful people, too. Precious people who love the Lord, who love me and others, who forgive us all for our faults and failures, who extend grace and mercy to the deserving and undeserving alike. There are teachers and mentors in the church who have shaped me in irrevocable ways. I have been prayed for by warriors of the faith. I have been spoken over, blessed by countless LOVABLE people in His church, too. And the good people and moments have far outweighed the bad.
When I think back on the tears, pain, hurt, of this evening's events, I could easily get bitter. I could decide to walk away from those who have deeply hurt me. I could build up walls, lose my joy, become bound and eventually allow apathy to abound in my spirit...
But that's when I hear Him say to me, quietly, clearly, "Love My Church"...
-----------------------------------------------
Afterthoughts:
As I was typing this, I felt the Holy Spirit telling me that it wasn't GOD'S IDEA to make me learn the lesson of "love" by enduring a PAINFUL incident. He had led me to those verses, concepts, because he KNEW what was ahead of me. He knew what was coming and what I needed to have embedded in my spirit to combat it. HE didn't DO THIS to me.
Another "coincidence": Before I had even gotten the message finished for church tonight, I had already gotten the title for the next message: "Revolution: Love." I guess THAT'S been completely confirmed, then, huh?
The Critics
"All of us are affected by what other people think, say and do in response to who we are. Yet if pleasing other people becomes the goal, you will spend the rest of your life chasing down your critics. If satisfying the critics becomes your goal, you’ll never have peace. God knows you and loves you unconditionally. Remember that you serve the Living King…and not the critics."
--update on T.D. Jakes Ministry page on Facebook, 11-26-11
--update on T.D. Jakes Ministry page on Facebook, 11-26-11
Friday, October 21, 2011
Family First
No matter what, my family comes first.
I cannot get over-busy with life and times and forget about the most important people to me: my husband and my daughter.
And yet I do get over-busy with life and times and forget about the most important people to me: my husband and my daughter.
This post today is a reminder to me, a declaration of my intent and spirit, and a notification to the enemy that I WILL NOT fail my family. They are my top priority.
They come first.
I cannot get over-busy with life and times and forget about the most important people to me: my husband and my daughter.
And yet I do get over-busy with life and times and forget about the most important people to me: my husband and my daughter.
This post today is a reminder to me, a declaration of my intent and spirit, and a notification to the enemy that I WILL NOT fail my family. They are my top priority.
They come first.
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Daring to Hope
This morning, even as I begin work on this month's "bills," I cannot help but feel this great sense of HOPE, this EXCITEMENT that is brewing/stirring in my spirit!!! I'm not sure what it is, or from whence it comes, but I cannot wait to see the "unveiling" of this very special gift!!!
Part of me this morning hopes this HOPE is a HOPE about Ireland. Although financially it looks virtually impossible that Stephen, Sissy, and I will be able to visit there this summer, this morning I DARE TO HOPE that we will return...And I dare to say it, speak it out with my mouth: "Lord, you can and WILL provide if this is Your Will!!! Let it be unto me, according to Your WILL!!!"
"I am not satisfied with anything just ordinary. I am not satisfied at all"--I shout these paraphrased lyrics to the heavens!!!
I am EXCITED about what is going on, what He is and will do, and where all of this is taking me!!! Praise the Lord!!!
Part of me this morning hopes this HOPE is a HOPE about Ireland. Although financially it looks virtually impossible that Stephen, Sissy, and I will be able to visit there this summer, this morning I DARE TO HOPE that we will return...And I dare to say it, speak it out with my mouth: "Lord, you can and WILL provide if this is Your Will!!! Let it be unto me, according to Your WILL!!!"
"I am not satisfied with anything just ordinary. I am not satisfied at all"--I shout these paraphrased lyrics to the heavens!!!
I am EXCITED about what is going on, what He is and will do, and where all of this is taking me!!! Praise the Lord!!!
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
"Exploits"
Display of Exploits [Tuesday, September 27, 2011]
“Yes, there is a realm for those who know Me. It is for those who press into the deep places where I am," says the Lord. "They will become strong in ALL things! And they shall display My glory and accomplish great exploits of power in the coming season!”
Prophetic Scripture:
Daniel 11:32 – …but the people that do know their God shall be strong, and do exploits.
God is on you for greatness right now! He has made available a place for us to know Him, understand Him and learn about how He operates. It is found by prayer, persistence and a hunger for the Spirit. In the deep places in God we cannot be religious and resistant. We have to know God and learn how to manifest the anointing. You find it by praying in the spirit and consistently listening to the Holy Ghost in you. God wants us to be strong in His power. You may not feel like you are very powerful right now, but if you get by yourself and pray there are realms of anointing available. God wants you to know Him in such a way that you are not afraid to accomplish some very supernatural things in His power. Doing exploits means that you can accomplish feats that you could never do in your own power. You cannot cure a cancer in your own power, but there are places in the spirit available in prayer that will make you strong and cause you to destroy cancer in Jesus’ Name. Ask the Lord to grow you into new realms of anointing that you have not experienced privately before and I know that His power will be found to do some amazing things in your life and in the lives of others!
Prayer:
Father, I thank you that I am destined for great exploits. You have called me to accomplish great and supernatural things. I am committed to pursue new realms in the anointing today and ask the You will revolutionize my prayer life. Help me today to follow You Holy Spirit into the deeper things so that I can display Your power to the world. I thank You for it now! In Jesus’ Name, AMEN.
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The above information was published on Tuesday, September 27, 2011, on One Voice Ministries, on their Daily Prophecy. I found out about this ministry and was instructed to visit this specific prophecy page by a dear saint of God, Arlene Logan.
“Yes, there is a realm for those who know Me. It is for those who press into the deep places where I am," says the Lord. "They will become strong in ALL things! And they shall display My glory and accomplish great exploits of power in the coming season!”
Prophetic Scripture:
Daniel 11:32 – …but the people that do know their God shall be strong, and do exploits.
God is on you for greatness right now! He has made available a place for us to know Him, understand Him and learn about how He operates. It is found by prayer, persistence and a hunger for the Spirit. In the deep places in God we cannot be religious and resistant. We have to know God and learn how to manifest the anointing. You find it by praying in the spirit and consistently listening to the Holy Ghost in you. God wants us to be strong in His power. You may not feel like you are very powerful right now, but if you get by yourself and pray there are realms of anointing available. God wants you to know Him in such a way that you are not afraid to accomplish some very supernatural things in His power. Doing exploits means that you can accomplish feats that you could never do in your own power. You cannot cure a cancer in your own power, but there are places in the spirit available in prayer that will make you strong and cause you to destroy cancer in Jesus’ Name. Ask the Lord to grow you into new realms of anointing that you have not experienced privately before and I know that His power will be found to do some amazing things in your life and in the lives of others!
Prayer:
Father, I thank you that I am destined for great exploits. You have called me to accomplish great and supernatural things. I am committed to pursue new realms in the anointing today and ask the You will revolutionize my prayer life. Help me today to follow You Holy Spirit into the deeper things so that I can display Your power to the world. I thank You for it now! In Jesus’ Name, AMEN.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
The above information was published on Tuesday, September 27, 2011, on One Voice Ministries, on their Daily Prophecy. I found out about this ministry and was instructed to visit this specific prophecy page by a dear saint of God, Arlene Logan.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
"Exploit" Defined
exploit
— n
1. a notable deed or feat, esp one that is noble or heroic
— vb
2. to take advantage of (a person, situation, etc), esp unethically or unjustly for one's own ends
3. to make the best use of
Tonight, in a prophetic word spoken over me, I was told that I would do great exploits for the Lord. Because I like to know EXACTLY what a word means, I looked it up. As you can see, this word--in both its noun and verb meanings--can be used to mean two entirely different things.
Although I know that the word given to me was given in the NOUN form, I firmly believe that God wanted me to view the other. I have heard of many who started off in pursuit of accomplishing the NOUN, but ended up, through a series of wrong choices and "self" pursuits, embodying the VERB. Sadly, though I'm sure they never meant to, these people are remembered for their VERB efforts.
I am not so naive to believe that the NOUN will be easily accomplished through me. I am human, with many faults, insecurities. I have a strong, and ever growing commitment and FAITH IN GOD, but I fully realize that I am imperfect--and must be on my guard. The enemy has no intention of sitting back while any of us goes after God, accomplishing great exploits for His Kingdom.
In sum, this word spoken over me was humbling. In my spirit, I feel what's ahead, and what I must prepare to battle through and against. And, with one foot in front of another, and holding on to His hand, I will take another step.
— n
1. a notable deed or feat, esp one that is noble or heroic
— vb
2. to take advantage of (a person, situation, etc), esp unethically or unjustly for one's own ends
3. to make the best use of
Tonight, in a prophetic word spoken over me, I was told that I would do great exploits for the Lord. Because I like to know EXACTLY what a word means, I looked it up. As you can see, this word--in both its noun and verb meanings--can be used to mean two entirely different things.
Although I know that the word given to me was given in the NOUN form, I firmly believe that God wanted me to view the other. I have heard of many who started off in pursuit of accomplishing the NOUN, but ended up, through a series of wrong choices and "self" pursuits, embodying the VERB. Sadly, though I'm sure they never meant to, these people are remembered for their VERB efforts.
I am not so naive to believe that the NOUN will be easily accomplished through me. I am human, with many faults, insecurities. I have a strong, and ever growing commitment and FAITH IN GOD, but I fully realize that I am imperfect--and must be on my guard. The enemy has no intention of sitting back while any of us goes after God, accomplishing great exploits for His Kingdom.
In sum, this word spoken over me was humbling. In my spirit, I feel what's ahead, and what I must prepare to battle through and against. And, with one foot in front of another, and holding on to His hand, I will take another step.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
"Place in this World"
My devotion for tonight reminded me of this song by Michael W. Smith, "Place in this World." I love that song. And though it has that "late 80's, early 90's" feel to it, the song has a great message.
We all have a "place" in this world, a God-ordained and God-given assignment for our lives here on earth.
Tonight's devotion made me really think about this. And I wanted to share it.
"When the priests blew the trumpets, the people shouted. At the sound of the trumpets and the people's shout, the walls fell, and everyone ran straight into the city." --Joshua 6:20 [NCV]
We all have a part in the battle. We all have a place to be and a designated task. Sometimes, the task is the same for everyone--"walk around the city for seven days"--and sometimes we are given different roles in our walk (well, we ARE, not sometimes, given different roles in our walk).
Certainly, our lives here can be described as a "walk" with God. I like here the emphasis on the movement everyone was required to engage in. We are all asked to move, to keep going, in faith--and doing what he's asked us to do, whatever and whenever that may be.
Interestingly, these verses discuss how we all are given specific roles to do while we are walking. Some people are called to be priests and "blow horns" and others are asked to use their mouths to shout. These people knew better than to argue or fuss about their roles. There is an understanding here that EVERYONE KEEPS WALKING, and EVERYONE DOES WHAT GOD ASKS THEM TO DO.
Sometimes, it's hard for us to do that. We live in a society that questions, is curious, wants to SEE where we're going before we step out. But that's not how God works. Always--then and still today--he asks us to step out in faith, in blind obedience, BECAUSE HE SAYS SO.
And we need to realize that there are REASONS for what He requires. We may never know this side of heaven what those reasons are, but we need to TRUST HIM and HIS CHARACTER. God isn't on some insane power trip to control us. He has REASONS. He LOVES US and WANTS THE BEST FOR US. We need to walk, walk, walk with a KNOWLEDGE of this and a ever-growing appreciation of this SENSELESS LOVE He has for us.
But I love the message here, because though people were given different assignments and roles, their obedience allowed GOD to totally move in the supernatural realm and utterly defeat the enemy--the walls fell down. They never touched the walls or launched a direct attack on the walls. They didn't use dynamite. They just did what they were told to do, and somehow, in their obedience, God could command the impossible to happen--supernaturally.
What's amazing to me, and this speaks volumes, is that they ALL got to go into the city. When they did what they were supposed to do, God took over and enabled them ALL to go in and CONQUER their enemies. WOW.
This verse describes our role and responsibility on this earth, during the "battle." We must never shirk our responsibilities, or belly-ache about them, or complain. God has a PURPOSE for our lives. He doesn't give random commands or assignments. He knows what He's doing and what it takes for us to have VICTORY!!!
God, I beg you to show us, to show ME, our "Place in this World"
We all have a "place" in this world, a God-ordained and God-given assignment for our lives here on earth.
Tonight's devotion made me really think about this. And I wanted to share it.
"When the priests blew the trumpets, the people shouted. At the sound of the trumpets and the people's shout, the walls fell, and everyone ran straight into the city." --Joshua 6:20 [NCV]
We all have a part in the battle. We all have a place to be and a designated task. Sometimes, the task is the same for everyone--"walk around the city for seven days"--and sometimes we are given different roles in our walk (well, we ARE, not sometimes, given different roles in our walk).
Certainly, our lives here can be described as a "walk" with God. I like here the emphasis on the movement everyone was required to engage in. We are all asked to move, to keep going, in faith--and doing what he's asked us to do, whatever and whenever that may be.
Interestingly, these verses discuss how we all are given specific roles to do while we are walking. Some people are called to be priests and "blow horns" and others are asked to use their mouths to shout. These people knew better than to argue or fuss about their roles. There is an understanding here that EVERYONE KEEPS WALKING, and EVERYONE DOES WHAT GOD ASKS THEM TO DO.
Sometimes, it's hard for us to do that. We live in a society that questions, is curious, wants to SEE where we're going before we step out. But that's not how God works. Always--then and still today--he asks us to step out in faith, in blind obedience, BECAUSE HE SAYS SO.
And we need to realize that there are REASONS for what He requires. We may never know this side of heaven what those reasons are, but we need to TRUST HIM and HIS CHARACTER. God isn't on some insane power trip to control us. He has REASONS. He LOVES US and WANTS THE BEST FOR US. We need to walk, walk, walk with a KNOWLEDGE of this and a ever-growing appreciation of this SENSELESS LOVE He has for us.
But I love the message here, because though people were given different assignments and roles, their obedience allowed GOD to totally move in the supernatural realm and utterly defeat the enemy--the walls fell down. They never touched the walls or launched a direct attack on the walls. They didn't use dynamite. They just did what they were told to do, and somehow, in their obedience, God could command the impossible to happen--supernaturally.
What's amazing to me, and this speaks volumes, is that they ALL got to go into the city. When they did what they were supposed to do, God took over and enabled them ALL to go in and CONQUER their enemies. WOW.
This verse describes our role and responsibility on this earth, during the "battle." We must never shirk our responsibilities, or belly-ache about them, or complain. God has a PURPOSE for our lives. He doesn't give random commands or assignments. He knows what He's doing and what it takes for us to have VICTORY!!!
God, I beg you to show us, to show ME, our "Place in this World"
Responsible
Tonight, I listened to someone nonchalantly present a "sex"/"relationship" message to a college Christian group. It was disturbing to me on several different levels--and I left, enraged.
Maybe I'm wrong. I have been before and might be now. But what I'm feeling is, basically, the following:
What a missed opportunity. Each semester, we get approximately 15 meetings with these students on our campus. They come knowing that it's a Christian group and knowing that they can come there to get away from their busy schedules and crowded minds. They expect, when they come, to hear about Christ.
I don't know that anything said tonight was helpful to anyone spiritually. It felt like a joke. I was mortified--THESE KIDS NEED TO HEAR FROM GOD!!! CAN'T YOU SEE THAT?!?!? THEY DON'T NEED A SEX TALK, A CIRCUS ACT DONE IN THE NAME OF CHRIST!!!
I walked out. I was too upset to stay for the "altar call" or whatever tragic ending that would inevitably ensue. I didn't want anyone to think that I approved of the message--and I didn't want my little girl to hear or repeat anything being said.
How unfortunate.
And then, I think, "Why do I care so much???" Some of the kids were laughing. Others just sat silently text messaging, enduring it.
I think it's because I feel responsible.
I feel, seriously feel, a burden for these students, for their lives, their decisions. And I feel a burden for Christ's message, and it BREAKS MY HEART to MISS AN OPPORTUNITY to talk about HOW WONDERFUL HE IS!!! HE IS SOOOOOOOO WONDERFUL!!!!
Maybe I'm wrong. I have been before and might be now. But what I'm feeling is, basically, the following:
What a missed opportunity. Each semester, we get approximately 15 meetings with these students on our campus. They come knowing that it's a Christian group and knowing that they can come there to get away from their busy schedules and crowded minds. They expect, when they come, to hear about Christ.
I don't know that anything said tonight was helpful to anyone spiritually. It felt like a joke. I was mortified--THESE KIDS NEED TO HEAR FROM GOD!!! CAN'T YOU SEE THAT?!?!? THEY DON'T NEED A SEX TALK, A CIRCUS ACT DONE IN THE NAME OF CHRIST!!!
I walked out. I was too upset to stay for the "altar call" or whatever tragic ending that would inevitably ensue. I didn't want anyone to think that I approved of the message--and I didn't want my little girl to hear or repeat anything being said.
How unfortunate.
And then, I think, "Why do I care so much???" Some of the kids were laughing. Others just sat silently text messaging, enduring it.
I think it's because I feel responsible.
I feel, seriously feel, a burden for these students, for their lives, their decisions. And I feel a burden for Christ's message, and it BREAKS MY HEART to MISS AN OPPORTUNITY to talk about HOW WONDERFUL HE IS!!! HE IS SOOOOOOOO WONDERFUL!!!!
Thursday, August 11, 2011
"Best Stepmom in the World!"
Being a step-mother has not always been an easy adjustment for me. Not only do you go in fighting against what seems to be a global stereotype of the "Eeeevil Stepmother," but there are also some stark realities that make the job daunting at times.
I married Allie and Raylee's father when I was 35. Although I had dated seriously in the past, I had never been engaged to anyone before their father. I had never had children of my own. I had been single and on my own all of my life. When I moved out of my parents' home to go to college the fall after my senior graduation, I entered a single mode of living that would last 18 years.
And I enjoyed it! I loved being single, and when I look back now, I look back with a smile at all of the good moments, the learning experiences, all the "growth" that happened in me spiritually during those times. I loved being single, and living in that freedom that is single-hood.
And that's not to say there weren't times of profound loneliness. I think any single person would tell you there are times of deep longing for "that person," the one God has destined for you. I think that's just natural. But being single doesn't have to be a bad thing. It wasn't for me.
When I met Stephen, I almost immediately KNEW that I would marry him. It wasn't some "lust and infatuation" thing alone--it was that and a deep spiritual connection that had been lacking in ALL of my prior relationships. There was something about him, his manner, the call God had on his life, everything--and he was sooooooo attractive!!! I remember watching him, on one of our first dates, walk into the convenience store to get me something to drink. I saw him at the counter, paying, and my heart leaped! I was in love.
Stephen has two daughters, Allie and Raylee, and they were 4 and 6 when we first met. They have always been the CUTEST kids. I've said many times that if I were to pick two daughters to adopt out of the world's children, these two would be the ones I'd take home for my own! I give praise to God for that.
It was not easy, though, by any means, for me to marry and have an "Insta Family" as they call them these days. I have done my best, and LITERALLY, have relied on the Holy Spirit, to do what is right for them and by them.
But it's hard sometimes to know what is "right for them": For one thing, I'm not their biological mother. I'm not related to them at all, actually, except through their father. For another, I have little input in their lives. The major details and decisions, including discipline, are hammered out by their parents. It can be really frustrating, especially in the beginning.
In the beginning, my policy was, had to be, to love the girls "at a bit of a distance," knowing that they never wanted or needed me in their lives in the first place.
I remember the way Allie used to look at me--with large, sad, wondering eyes. Always such a darling, she'd never SAY what I could read in her eyes, a deep longing for her parents to get back together, for the world to be made aright. I will never forget those eyes.
I remember reaching out to them, then, on a "needs only basis." I could sense what they were going through, noticed, toward the end of a weekend stay, how they would need to cuddle up to me on the couch, hug on me. They missed their Momma.
It's hard to "let people in" when you know you won't be allowed in for long periods of time. It's hard to love with all your might and then feel like, at the end of a weekend, that it's all taken from you, the faucet has been turned off all together, and the ones you love are whisked away, and they forget...
Or do they?
I think this brought on the "arm's length" phase. I can almost laugh now as I type, seeing the progression, knowing in my spirit that God has orchestrated all of this. "Nearer, Nearer to Thee," I hear rolling over in my spirit as I type now.
The funny thing about keeping kids "at arm's length"? It's just nigh to impossible to keep from throwing them to you and wrapping them in your arms.
One of the things the Holy Spirit kept telling me, keeps telling me, is, "Treat them like they are your own."
So, when I asked Raylee what theme she wanted for her ninth birthday party this year, and she said, "Flowers," I was a bit perplexed. Moving away from the easy-to-buy-for-themes, huh? Now, this is a challenge. So, I weighed the options--what to do.
"Do this party like it was for you," I felt in my spirit.
So I named her party, "Flower Bouquet" and filled our home with bouquets of flowers, all over the house, for her birthday party. On or in each bouquet was a note--each differnt--about Raylee. One said, "What a flowery personality," another, "Nine years of joy" and "Isn't she lovely?"
The night before the party, Raylee walked in with Allie and Psalm and Stephen, after a dinner sans me (I wanted to work on the decor for the party).
Raylee came in, mouth open, in awe of all of the flowers and bouquets. She went around reading aloud what I'd written about her on the bouquets. She looked at me, incredulous, and said, "You did this? For me?"
"All for you!" I said. "Happy Birthday, sweetie."
Her eyes teared up a bit and she exclaimed, "YOU'RE THE BEST STEPMOM IN THE WORLD!!!"
I married Allie and Raylee's father when I was 35. Although I had dated seriously in the past, I had never been engaged to anyone before their father. I had never had children of my own. I had been single and on my own all of my life. When I moved out of my parents' home to go to college the fall after my senior graduation, I entered a single mode of living that would last 18 years.
And I enjoyed it! I loved being single, and when I look back now, I look back with a smile at all of the good moments, the learning experiences, all the "growth" that happened in me spiritually during those times. I loved being single, and living in that freedom that is single-hood.
And that's not to say there weren't times of profound loneliness. I think any single person would tell you there are times of deep longing for "that person," the one God has destined for you. I think that's just natural. But being single doesn't have to be a bad thing. It wasn't for me.
When I met Stephen, I almost immediately KNEW that I would marry him. It wasn't some "lust and infatuation" thing alone--it was that and a deep spiritual connection that had been lacking in ALL of my prior relationships. There was something about him, his manner, the call God had on his life, everything--and he was sooooooo attractive!!! I remember watching him, on one of our first dates, walk into the convenience store to get me something to drink. I saw him at the counter, paying, and my heart leaped! I was in love.
Stephen has two daughters, Allie and Raylee, and they were 4 and 6 when we first met. They have always been the CUTEST kids. I've said many times that if I were to pick two daughters to adopt out of the world's children, these two would be the ones I'd take home for my own! I give praise to God for that.
It was not easy, though, by any means, for me to marry and have an "Insta Family" as they call them these days. I have done my best, and LITERALLY, have relied on the Holy Spirit, to do what is right for them and by them.
But it's hard sometimes to know what is "right for them": For one thing, I'm not their biological mother. I'm not related to them at all, actually, except through their father. For another, I have little input in their lives. The major details and decisions, including discipline, are hammered out by their parents. It can be really frustrating, especially in the beginning.
In the beginning, my policy was, had to be, to love the girls "at a bit of a distance," knowing that they never wanted or needed me in their lives in the first place.
I remember the way Allie used to look at me--with large, sad, wondering eyes. Always such a darling, she'd never SAY what I could read in her eyes, a deep longing for her parents to get back together, for the world to be made aright. I will never forget those eyes.
I remember reaching out to them, then, on a "needs only basis." I could sense what they were going through, noticed, toward the end of a weekend stay, how they would need to cuddle up to me on the couch, hug on me. They missed their Momma.
It's hard to "let people in" when you know you won't be allowed in for long periods of time. It's hard to love with all your might and then feel like, at the end of a weekend, that it's all taken from you, the faucet has been turned off all together, and the ones you love are whisked away, and they forget...
Or do they?
I think this brought on the "arm's length" phase. I can almost laugh now as I type, seeing the progression, knowing in my spirit that God has orchestrated all of this. "Nearer, Nearer to Thee," I hear rolling over in my spirit as I type now.
The funny thing about keeping kids "at arm's length"? It's just nigh to impossible to keep from throwing them to you and wrapping them in your arms.
One of the things the Holy Spirit kept telling me, keeps telling me, is, "Treat them like they are your own."
So, when I asked Raylee what theme she wanted for her ninth birthday party this year, and she said, "Flowers," I was a bit perplexed. Moving away from the easy-to-buy-for-themes, huh? Now, this is a challenge. So, I weighed the options--what to do.
"Do this party like it was for you," I felt in my spirit.
So I named her party, "Flower Bouquet" and filled our home with bouquets of flowers, all over the house, for her birthday party. On or in each bouquet was a note--each differnt--about Raylee. One said, "What a flowery personality," another, "Nine years of joy" and "Isn't she lovely?"
The night before the party, Raylee walked in with Allie and Psalm and Stephen, after a dinner sans me (I wanted to work on the decor for the party).
Raylee came in, mouth open, in awe of all of the flowers and bouquets. She went around reading aloud what I'd written about her on the bouquets. She looked at me, incredulous, and said, "You did this? For me?"
"All for you!" I said. "Happy Birthday, sweetie."
Her eyes teared up a bit and she exclaimed, "YOU'RE THE BEST STEPMOM IN THE WORLD!!!"
Friday, July 15, 2011
FREEEEEEEEDOM
FREEEEEEEEDOM
Thriving church. I saw it, there--
In the midst of Ireland,
In a village where you can feel
God, moving around the lanes,
Reaching out to the children of lost generations.
There is Freedom here. A Truth and Joy
only obtainable after centuries of stagnation.
There is laughter and song only afforded
to those who have paid the price.
A radiant boldness lives here in hearts.
"My pockets are empty, but my spirit is full,"
The beautiful woman said to me with a warm smile.
I could see the Truth behind her friendly dark eyes--
She was free. No, Freeeeeeeeee.
This woman knew of FREEDOM.
I see freedom in the eyes of the children there--
Their toothless grins, their contagious laughter.
Open and honest, pure, believing...
Ireland's future is in good hands.
I hear freedom in the cries of the mothers who dare
to shout with abandon in chorus to their God.
Centuries of wearing burdens have been lifted--
Their tears are tears of hope.
I sense freedom in the outstretched arms of men
who shake firmly--with clean hands, pure hearts.
God alone can clear a slate, make all things new,
set things aright in their universe.
This FREEDOM I have witnessed drives me to my knees--
Makes me yearn for FREEDOM where I live...
Makes me want every song of praise to become reality:
"I want to know you, to hear your voice, to see your face..."
God, I beg for FREEEEEEEEDOM for a lifetime!!!
---------------------------------------------------------------
Galatians 5:1: "We have freedom now, because Christ made us free. So stand strong. Do not change and go back into the slavery of the law."
(a poem in honor of the Irish Christians I met during a missions trip: July 1-11, 2011)
Thriving church. I saw it, there--
In the midst of Ireland,
In a village where you can feel
God, moving around the lanes,
Reaching out to the children of lost generations.
There is Freedom here. A Truth and Joy
only obtainable after centuries of stagnation.
There is laughter and song only afforded
to those who have paid the price.
A radiant boldness lives here in hearts.
"My pockets are empty, but my spirit is full,"
The beautiful woman said to me with a warm smile.
I could see the Truth behind her friendly dark eyes--
She was free. No, Freeeeeeeeee.
This woman knew of FREEDOM.
I see freedom in the eyes of the children there--
Their toothless grins, their contagious laughter.
Open and honest, pure, believing...
Ireland's future is in good hands.
I hear freedom in the cries of the mothers who dare
to shout with abandon in chorus to their God.
Centuries of wearing burdens have been lifted--
Their tears are tears of hope.
I sense freedom in the outstretched arms of men
who shake firmly--with clean hands, pure hearts.
God alone can clear a slate, make all things new,
set things aright in their universe.
This FREEDOM I have witnessed drives me to my knees--
Makes me yearn for FREEDOM where I live...
Makes me want every song of praise to become reality:
"I want to know you, to hear your voice, to see your face..."
God, I beg for FREEEEEEEEDOM for a lifetime!!!
---------------------------------------------------------------
Galatians 5:1: "We have freedom now, because Christ made us free. So stand strong. Do not change and go back into the slavery of the law."
(a poem in honor of the Irish Christians I met during a missions trip: July 1-11, 2011)
Impressions of Ireland
I loved Ireland. I loved being in Ireland. It is absolutely beautiful there, and its people are extremely warm and hospitable.
These days, when I take an extended trip away from my family, I find myself longing to get back to them. In Ireland, though, I found myself taking mental notes about everything we could see and do in Ireland TOGETHER. I can't wait to get back--with Stephen and Sissy.
I loved the church we visited! How vibrant, how alive! How wonderful the worship! The people! How I long to see such a FREEDOM in the body of Christ here in America! I can't wait to return, to see all of the people I met there and befriended.
These days, when I take an extended trip away from my family, I find myself longing to get back to them. In Ireland, though, I found myself taking mental notes about everything we could see and do in Ireland TOGETHER. I can't wait to get back--with Stephen and Sissy.
I loved the church we visited! How vibrant, how alive! How wonderful the worship! The people! How I long to see such a FREEDOM in the body of Christ here in America! I can't wait to return, to see all of the people I met there and befriended.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Recording a Dream
So, I just awoke from a dream that was not finished, by any means. But the nature of the dream makes me wonder what it was about, what the deeper messages were in it. I am recording it here so I can go back and look at it with a fresh mind to see what wisdom or revelation it might impart.
The Dream--As Much As I Can Remember:
I was with a team of people on earth. There were no cities, no buildings, it was just fields, trees, woody areas. I don't recall what our specific job was... We were living, doing our jobs, but we were FREE. Things were GOOD. I didn't feel stress about the job, or our mission--I felt like somehow this was a spiritual mission.
But things seemed to suddenly take a turn for the worst. We got word that some of our people had been taken. We were told to get out, as quickly as possible, but we didn't want to leave without our teammates. We went back to get them, but as we came to the edge of the clearing, we saw them far away (no one saw us), just as they were shot and killed.
My teammate and I appeared to be the only people left of the bunch. So we turned and ran as fast as we could--stress entering the dream, my psyche--back through the woods...We ran and ran, and somehow my teammate and I got separated in the woods. Neither of us had time to look back.
All of a sudden, I was caught up in a wave of flood water; somehow I had been swept upstream into a rushing, mighty river of sorts and I was trying to keep my head up so I could breathe. While I could feel the stress of trying to make sure I got a great gulp of air every chance I had, and there were times that my mouth was under water and I had no idea if there would be an opportunity for fresh air or not, I never passed out or swallowed water or drowned. I was consciously aware of everything, I could see as the terrain passed. The water was always turning, rushing, gushing, and I was praying praying praying that I could get air, that I could survive this.
While this trip upstream in the powerful river seemed to occur in a matter of minutes, I somehow felt like time was going by quickly, like though my trip in the river seemed like a handful of minutes, that this trip was really taking a period of several, if not hundreds of, years.
Finally, the river stopped its roaring and it got smoothed out and I was literally deposited on the shores of another place. It didn't appear to be any different from any other place I've been in my life. It had grass, trees, etc. But I was all alone.
I stood on the bank, looking around, and before I knew it, a group of men (not like or unlike our men here on earth) surrounded me and I could hear the buzzing wind sound of their feet--they were, I saw, like human versions of dragonflies or something, but without the wings. They somehow used their feet to "float" off of the ground.
They were not threatening, but it was clear that they were there to "scout me out" or "look me over" before they took me with them to wherever their village was.
This was the end of this dream, because my daughter, Psalm, woke me up, needing a diaper change. It's odd that this dream is so vivid. I don't usually keep the vivid impressions of dreams like this unless they have some kind of spiritual message for me.
I will say this. When I landed on the new land, it was my impression that I was no longer seeing the humans of my day. I was somewhere else.
The Dream--As Much As I Can Remember:
I was with a team of people on earth. There were no cities, no buildings, it was just fields, trees, woody areas. I don't recall what our specific job was... We were living, doing our jobs, but we were FREE. Things were GOOD. I didn't feel stress about the job, or our mission--I felt like somehow this was a spiritual mission.
But things seemed to suddenly take a turn for the worst. We got word that some of our people had been taken. We were told to get out, as quickly as possible, but we didn't want to leave without our teammates. We went back to get them, but as we came to the edge of the clearing, we saw them far away (no one saw us), just as they were shot and killed.
My teammate and I appeared to be the only people left of the bunch. So we turned and ran as fast as we could--stress entering the dream, my psyche--back through the woods...We ran and ran, and somehow my teammate and I got separated in the woods. Neither of us had time to look back.
All of a sudden, I was caught up in a wave of flood water; somehow I had been swept upstream into a rushing, mighty river of sorts and I was trying to keep my head up so I could breathe. While I could feel the stress of trying to make sure I got a great gulp of air every chance I had, and there were times that my mouth was under water and I had no idea if there would be an opportunity for fresh air or not, I never passed out or swallowed water or drowned. I was consciously aware of everything, I could see as the terrain passed. The water was always turning, rushing, gushing, and I was praying praying praying that I could get air, that I could survive this.
While this trip upstream in the powerful river seemed to occur in a matter of minutes, I somehow felt like time was going by quickly, like though my trip in the river seemed like a handful of minutes, that this trip was really taking a period of several, if not hundreds of, years.
Finally, the river stopped its roaring and it got smoothed out and I was literally deposited on the shores of another place. It didn't appear to be any different from any other place I've been in my life. It had grass, trees, etc. But I was all alone.
I stood on the bank, looking around, and before I knew it, a group of men (not like or unlike our men here on earth) surrounded me and I could hear the buzzing wind sound of their feet--they were, I saw, like human versions of dragonflies or something, but without the wings. They somehow used their feet to "float" off of the ground.
They were not threatening, but it was clear that they were there to "scout me out" or "look me over" before they took me with them to wherever their village was.
This was the end of this dream, because my daughter, Psalm, woke me up, needing a diaper change. It's odd that this dream is so vivid. I don't usually keep the vivid impressions of dreams like this unless they have some kind of spiritual message for me.
I will say this. When I landed on the new land, it was my impression that I was no longer seeing the humans of my day. I was somewhere else.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Imperfect Me
To Whom It May Concern:
My t's aren't always crossed, and my i's aren't always dotted. But I do the very best I can to do the very best I can.
Respectfully,
Imperfect Me
My t's aren't always crossed, and my i's aren't always dotted. But I do the very best I can to do the very best I can.
Respectfully,
Imperfect Me
This Abysmal Moment
There are moments when time seems to stop ...
Or drag ...or click click click in my brain ...
And my mind feels like it's pulling stretching
In multiple directions...
It's not a good feeling.
There's a disconnect of sorts,
something disengaged, torn even,
and I feel numb in my brain,
like a brain death is coming on ...
It's not a good feeling.
Some people refer to it as anxiety--
Others say it's a depression of sorts ...
But this coming on comes on a lot lately--
There's been no time to heal.
It's not a good feeling.
This abysmal moment, like those before it,
Slender time fingers wrapped around my neck,
Feels like it will last a lifetime
(Though I know the second hand hasn't slowed a bit).
It's not a good feeling.
But I know that if I count my breaths
(one--breathe, two--breathe, three--breathe)
I can make it. I can make it.
And the dark cloud will finally lift.
Or drag ...or click click click in my brain ...
And my mind feels like it's pulling stretching
In multiple directions...
It's not a good feeling.
There's a disconnect of sorts,
something disengaged, torn even,
and I feel numb in my brain,
like a brain death is coming on ...
It's not a good feeling.
Some people refer to it as anxiety--
Others say it's a depression of sorts ...
But this coming on comes on a lot lately--
There's been no time to heal.
It's not a good feeling.
This abysmal moment, like those before it,
Slender time fingers wrapped around my neck,
Feels like it will last a lifetime
(Though I know the second hand hasn't slowed a bit).
It's not a good feeling.
But I know that if I count my breaths
(one--breathe, two--breathe, three--breathe)
I can make it. I can make it.
And the dark cloud will finally lift.
Monday, January 31, 2011
"Something's Coming"
Isaiah 43: 18-19 says:
The Lord says, "Forget what happened before, and do not think about the past. Look at the new thing I am going to do. It is already happening. Don't you see it?
I will make a road in the desert and rivers in the dry land."
"Something's Coming."
I feel it in my bones. I hear the refrain repeated again and again in my spirit. Sometimes softly. Other times, loudly.
"Something's Coming."
He is going to direct my path, my family's path, my ministry, our ministry. He is about to do something. It's going to be life-changing, life-altering.
"Something's Coming."
Doors that were closed will open. What seemed ludicrous to many will be made reality. And the impossible will be made possible--and we will PRAISE HIM for it.
Let it be, Lord.
Let it be to me, according to Your word.
The Lord says, "Forget what happened before, and do not think about the past. Look at the new thing I am going to do. It is already happening. Don't you see it?
I will make a road in the desert and rivers in the dry land."
"Something's Coming."
I feel it in my bones. I hear the refrain repeated again and again in my spirit. Sometimes softly. Other times, loudly.
"Something's Coming."
He is going to direct my path, my family's path, my ministry, our ministry. He is about to do something. It's going to be life-changing, life-altering.
"Something's Coming."
Doors that were closed will open. What seemed ludicrous to many will be made reality. And the impossible will be made possible--and we will PRAISE HIM for it.
Let it be, Lord.
Let it be to me, according to Your word.
"I'd Rather Go with You"
For my husband's birthday, I wanted to get him tickets to see an OKC Thunder game. He loves the Thunder.
"Babe, I want to get you Thunder tickets for your birthday."
"Cool!" he said. (And this is a BIG DEAL because my husband is very difficult to buy for.)
"So which game would you like to attend? And who would you like to take with you?" It was not a loaded question. I would buy him whatever he requested.
"What do you mean?" he asked.
I mentioned a couple of his buddies who might like to go with him.
"I want to go with you," he said.
"You sure?" I asked.
He looked at me squarely in the eyes, "Well, yeah. I'd rather go with you."
I stood there, I must admit, a bit stunned. He wanted to take me.
After four years of marriage...he still wanted to take me.
Even now, something within me rejoices at that statement. And I am reminded of how GRATEFUL I am to be married to someone who is my best friend, my boyfriend, my husband--all in one.
I pray for Sissy's mate. That she will wait for the Right One. The One He has for her. Because it's going to knock her socks off. Like this does.
I love you, Stephen. I love you so much.
"Babe, I want to get you Thunder tickets for your birthday."
"Cool!" he said. (And this is a BIG DEAL because my husband is very difficult to buy for.)
"So which game would you like to attend? And who would you like to take with you?" It was not a loaded question. I would buy him whatever he requested.
"What do you mean?" he asked.
I mentioned a couple of his buddies who might like to go with him.
"I want to go with you," he said.
"You sure?" I asked.
He looked at me squarely in the eyes, "Well, yeah. I'd rather go with you."
I stood there, I must admit, a bit stunned. He wanted to take me.
After four years of marriage...he still wanted to take me.
Even now, something within me rejoices at that statement. And I am reminded of how GRATEFUL I am to be married to someone who is my best friend, my boyfriend, my husband--all in one.
I pray for Sissy's mate. That she will wait for the Right One. The One He has for her. Because it's going to knock her socks off. Like this does.
I love you, Stephen. I love you so much.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
"Praise Him Like You're at a Ballgame!"
Tonight, at church, we were encouraged again to "open up," to "praise Him with all our might," to "praise Him Like You're at a Ballgame" or whatever other venue where we feel it's all right to "let it all out" and cheer and praise God with abandon...
As usual, tonight I just stood there, having an internal dialogue with God: "They have no idea what they're asking, do they?"
Well, I should start by saying that I don't give a rat's hindside who's winning a ballgame or who just scored a point or two or three or six or whatever they're scoring at the time...The most I've done is whistle loudly or clap for a team (and I often do that for whichever team did something really cool, to the chagrin of whoever is standing beside me proudly wearing school colors)...
But this "Praising Him with all your might"...???
Tonight, as they were encouraging us, I just thought, "If I really did that, if I really praised Him like that, with all my might, I would probably be hauled off to the looney bin..."
Because when I praise, often every fibre of my being responds...I can literally feeeeeel it within me, from the top of my head to the soles of my feet. I feel like my soul is a separate BEING within me, pushing itself hard against the wall of my flesh (I often feel "real" pain when this happens.) And it takes all of the self-control I have not to jump a mile high, or stand on the pew and jump as high as possible into the air, or run circles around the church and altars and whatever else I can do to expend spiritual energy while exalting my Lord!!!
Sorry, but I'm not doing that in a church service. If and when I do that, I'll do it in my prayer time or at church when no one is there...If I "unleash"--and that'll be exactly what it is--it won't be for anyone's glory but HIS. I'm no "show-boater."
But I promise you this...if and when I "unleash" for Him, I'll put EVERY OUNCE OF MY ENERGY AND BEING INTO IT, because I am FREAKING SERIOUS ABOUT HIM and LOVING HIM and THANKING HIM for EVERYTHING HE IS...
My all-time favorite song, "The Happy Song," is a song that is never-ending. It goes something like this, "I could sing unending song, of how He saved my soul. And I could dance a million miles, because of His great love..." THAT'S ME. If I ever started praising Him with all my might, I'd never stop. I can promise you that. And I'd probably keep praising until my body seized up and I went into a coma or seizures or something.
Seriously.
So, when you see me standing very still the next time they call for folks to "Praise Him Like You're at A Ballgame," maybe you'll understand why...
*smile*
As usual, tonight I just stood there, having an internal dialogue with God: "They have no idea what they're asking, do they?"
Well, I should start by saying that I don't give a rat's hindside who's winning a ballgame or who just scored a point or two or three or six or whatever they're scoring at the time...The most I've done is whistle loudly or clap for a team (and I often do that for whichever team did something really cool, to the chagrin of whoever is standing beside me proudly wearing school colors)...
But this "Praising Him with all your might"...???
Tonight, as they were encouraging us, I just thought, "If I really did that, if I really praised Him like that, with all my might, I would probably be hauled off to the looney bin..."
Because when I praise, often every fibre of my being responds...I can literally feeeeeel it within me, from the top of my head to the soles of my feet. I feel like my soul is a separate BEING within me, pushing itself hard against the wall of my flesh (I often feel "real" pain when this happens.) And it takes all of the self-control I have not to jump a mile high, or stand on the pew and jump as high as possible into the air, or run circles around the church and altars and whatever else I can do to expend spiritual energy while exalting my Lord!!!
Sorry, but I'm not doing that in a church service. If and when I do that, I'll do it in my prayer time or at church when no one is there...If I "unleash"--and that'll be exactly what it is--it won't be for anyone's glory but HIS. I'm no "show-boater."
But I promise you this...if and when I "unleash" for Him, I'll put EVERY OUNCE OF MY ENERGY AND BEING INTO IT, because I am FREAKING SERIOUS ABOUT HIM and LOVING HIM and THANKING HIM for EVERYTHING HE IS...
My all-time favorite song, "The Happy Song," is a song that is never-ending. It goes something like this, "I could sing unending song, of how He saved my soul. And I could dance a million miles, because of His great love..." THAT'S ME. If I ever started praising Him with all my might, I'd never stop. I can promise you that. And I'd probably keep praising until my body seized up and I went into a coma or seizures or something.
Seriously.
So, when you see me standing very still the next time they call for folks to "Praise Him Like You're at A Ballgame," maybe you'll understand why...
*smile*
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Christian Unity
Ephesians 4:5 says, "There is one Lord, one faith, and one baptism."
I believe this. I believe that, though our various interpretations of scripture differ and have caused centuries of division among us, we must begin to understand that our strength INCREASES when we link arms with our fellow believers.
I believe this. I believe that, though our various interpretations of scripture differ and have caused centuries of division among us, we must begin to understand that our strength INCREASES when we link arms with our fellow believers.
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